Feeling Hopeful.

20 Dec

And shouldn’t that be like, oh….I don’t know…a good thing???? So why is it scaring the crap out of me? My IUI timing was AWFUL. There is NO WAY I am pregnant. So why in the friggin HELL did my psyche choose this month to feel hope?

I didn’t feel hope last month…

I’ve been going back and forth on whether or not to even ADMIT that I am feeling hopeful. Now I know I have jinxed myself for sure. Does it count that I have only typed it? I haven’t breathed a word of this hope to anyone in RL.

I keep trying to justify the hope by spending endless hours obsessing over my chart and trying to explain how I could have possibly Oed sooner (I really FEEL like I ovulated late in the PM the night before the chart shows that I did, but that can’t be because my temp actually went DOWN on that day).

Now I am terrifed. I don’t want to be crushed. It hurts so much more when you are sure that you are pregnant but get a BFN then when you were already expecting it.


5 Responses to “Feeling Hopeful.”

  1. twondra December 20, 2007 at 12:15 pm #

    Some of the best advice I’ve gotten is to have hope. Hope is one of the good feelings we get when we TTC so hold onto that. 🙂 As far as being disappointed, no matter what and no matter how hard you try to prepare for it, it’s gonna be disappointing and there’s really no way to prepare for it. So, have the hope when you can sweetie! 🙂 (((HUGS)))

  2. Michell December 20, 2007 at 4:50 pm #

    I like Tammy’s advice and I also believe that even if we don’t want to think about, talk about, or even consider being hopeful to some extent we always are or we couldn’t keep trying.

  3. Vanessa December 20, 2007 at 6:32 pm #

    I agree, having hope means that we are acknowledging the possibilities 🙂 And possibly being pregnant is never bad. Try not to ever give up hope because when that happens the TTC journey will be over!
    chin up, and we’ll all be praying for you.

  4. Trace December 20, 2007 at 7:54 pm #

    The whole fertility thing has such emotional ups and downs. Hope is one of those accompanying emotions and then defeat if we get a bfn. I often find it amazing that we can get kicked around and defeated over an over again, but hope has a way of rearing it’s ugly head again. Us human beings are pretty resilient, LOL.

  5. Mommi Tutu December 20, 2007 at 8:43 pm #

    I say if that’s what you feel – go with it! Enjoy!

    The answer is going to be what it’s going to be no matter how you feel, so in the case of a BFP you can have started your journey of enjoying your baby from the beginning! And if not, at least you were able to enjoy this time and fill it with dreams of what will be – even if it is not this month.
    Never mind those temping charts, either . . I should show you mine from the month I got preggo – it was a mess and never did show I O’d! LOL

    Keep the faith, girl!!!

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