I Am A Worrier.

23 Nov


And unfortunately, un-mother-humping-fortunately, ladies and gentelmen…I am all-too-often correct when I start to obsess.

So now. Now I am trying REALLY hard to believe that there is nothing wrong with my son. I am trying really, really hard.

This is a list I stole from here.

(8-12 month milestons)

Movement Milestones

  • Gets to sitting position without assistance
  • Crawls forward on belly by pulling with arms and pushing with legs
  • Assumes hands-and-knees position
  • Creeps on hands and knees supporting trunk on hands and knees
  • Gets from sitting to crawling or prone (lying on stomach) position
  • Pulls self up to stand
  • Walks holding on to furniture
  • Stands momentarily without support
  • May walk two or three steps without support

Milestones In Hand and Finger Skills

  • Uses pincer grasp
  • Bangs two cubes together
  • Puts objects into container
  • Takes objects out of container
  • Lets objects go voluntarily
  • Pokes with index finger
  • Tries to imitate scribbling

Language Milestones

  • Pays increasing attention to speech
  • Responds to simple verbal requests
  • Responds to “no”
  • Uses simple gestures, such as shaking head for “no”
  • Babbles with inflection
  • Says “dada” and “mama”
  • Uses exclamations, such as “oh-oh!”
  • Tries to imitate words

Cognitive Milestones

  • Explores objects in many different ways (shaking, banging, throwing, dropping)
  • Finds hidden objects easily
  • Looks at correct picture when the image is named
  • Imitates gestures
  • Begins to use objects correctly (drinking from cup, brushing hair, dialing phone, listening to receiver)

Social and Emotional Milestones

  • Shy or anxious with strangers
  • Cries when mother or father leaves
  • Enjoys imitating people in play
  • Shows specific preferences for certain people and toys
  • Tests parental responses to his actions during feedings (What do you do when he refuses a food?)
  • Tests parental responses to his behavior (What do you do if he cries after you leave the room?)
  • May be fearful in some situations
  • Prefers mother and/or regular caregiver over all others
  • Repeats sounds or gestures for attention
  • Finger-feeds himself
  • Extends arm or leg to help when being dressed

Developmental Health Watch

Each baby develops in his own manner, so it’s impossible to tell exactly when your child will perfect a given skill. Although the developmental milestones listed in this book will give you a general idea of the changes you can expect as your child gets older, don’t be alarmed if his development takes a slightly different course. Alert your pediatrician if your baby displays any of the following signs of possible developmental delay in the eight-to twelve-month age range.

  • Does not crawl
  • Drags one side of body while crawling (for over one month)
  • Cannot stand when supported
  • Does not search for objects that are hidden while he watches
  • Says no single words (“mama” or “dada”)
  • Does not learn to use gestures, such as waving or shaking head
  • Does not point to objects or pictures

The ones crossed out are things he does not do. Ever. (He is almost 13 months now, by the way).

He will not use sign language. He will not talk. He will not point to objects when named. He will not look at objects when named. He will not make exclamations such as “uh oh” or “oh no”.

SOMETIMES he will wave “bye bye” (but MOST of the time he will not). He will USUALLY clap when everyone else does.

He WILL turn to look when his name is called. He WILL bounce to music.

He can hear.

*(Updated) I know that this is quite possibly nothing. I am *really* hoping it’s nothing and that I am just overly paranoid because I have another child who had a suspected issue that DID turn out to be a problem. A big problem.

I know a lot of children don’t talk until two or older and that it can often actually be a sign of intelligence as long as they are not delayed in other areas (which he is not).

But something in my mommy mind just will not stop gnawing away at this. Know what I mean? I think it’s the once burned, twice shy effect.


18 Responses to “I Am A Worrier.”

  1. Lisa November 23, 2010 at 6:09 pm #

    Honestly, he seems pretty normal to me. I’m not sure any of my 3 did some of the stuff you’ve crossed off and they’re all perfectly normal kids. It’s remotely possible he’s slightly delayed in language, but honestly, there’s no way to tell that until he’s at least 18 months. 13 months is still pretty early for language, especially for boys. My oldest was classed as “severely delayed” at around 15 months because he didn’t have a word to call me when I was in a different room. By 2 1/2, he was saying & understanding words like “oscillate”. Talk to him a lot, say individual words and point to the object. Give him some more time before you decide if you need to worry. 🙂

    • MrsLala November 23, 2010 at 9:03 pm #

      Thanks. I really hope you’re right! I know he’s still young but I’m totally getting the Mommy Instinct. KWIM?

      • Lisa November 24, 2010 at 4:11 pm #

        Yeah, but sometimes it’s hard to tell mommy instinct from mommy fear. I just read through all the comments and just have a couple of other points. It’s actually incredibly common for a younger sibling to be “slow”. Parents are more experienced and older siblings are there to do things and translate for them, so they don’t have the need to do it that the older ones did, they can get their needs met without doing thing as early. It’s also completely normal for little ones to say words and then not say them again for months. All of mine have done that, to varying degrees. It’s kind of like they think “Well, got that figured out, what’s next?”. And what’s next isn’t always another word.

  2. Orodemniades November 23, 2010 at 6:29 pm #

    The Chieftain is also a late developer, and at 32 months, is not speaking. Oh, he does vowel sounds, shakes his head for no, says ‘eh’ for yes, points (with Finger Of Emphasis for things he really wants,ie, choccy, ice cream, grapes, apples, computer)(car toys, dump truck)(the list does go on), but I’ve never heard a ‘mama’, and he’s stopped saying ‘dada’. In face, what few words he did say he no longer says. He’s been recently diagnosed with Speech Apraxia/Speech Motor Planning and has been in Speech Therapy since February. I don’t know if it’ll help or not, but I suspect he’s going to be a true late talker – like 4-5 years old before we hear anything. This runs in both families and is probably genetic. The scary thing is that there is no guarantee he’ll ever learn to talk, or read, or really socialize. He’s not Autistic, nor have Aspergers (that we can tell so far). He probably has some other fine motor planning issues (he is very cautious going up and down stairs, playing on the jungle gym, is hamfisted handling crayons or pens) but we can work on those, too.

    Here are some comparisons for you. The Chieftain:

    * started standing at 9 mos, cruised for 4 months and took his first independent steps at 13 mos.

    * Started shaking his head for ‘no’ around 25mos.

    * stopped imitating sounds around 21 mos

    * has never said mama, stopped saying dada

    * almost never refused food (but made it clear when he didn’t want any more by turning his head away or pushing away the fork/spoon/hand/plate)

    * does wave bye-bye, but sometimes has to have attention brought to person being waved to. However, always waves goodbye on the phone!

    Here’s the more important question: is he bright? Do you worry about his intelligence? Does your gut say something is wrong, or does it say he’s just on his own timetable, or maybe a combination of both? Does he not understand things or does he just not care? If you’re really worried, contact his pediatrician to get evaluated by someone in Early Intervention/Early Ed/wtf ever they call it in your state.

    I really hope this helps, and believe me, I’m on the same path…it’s effing scary and heartbreaking and unbelievably stressful. Feel free to email me anytime, y’know?



    • MrsLala November 23, 2010 at 9:05 pm #

      I am in the process of trying to get him evaluated by Early Start. Actually, he sounds a *lot* like your son! He used to say “mamma” and “dadda” and there are a handful of words that he’s said once and then never again – it’s like he gives up! Once in a blue moon I’ll *think* he’s trying to say a word but it’s really garbled. I’m thinking either Apraxia or he’s hard of hearing (or an auditory processing disorder). Although the fact that he won’t sign either scares me. I just don’t know. Trying to get his hearing test set up as well.

      • alisa November 24, 2010 at 7:52 am #

        This sounds normal from what I understand. My son’s speech sounds terrible. Boys are very different than girls. I was shocked as well, because my first was a girl. I assumed that if you expose them to the same things, they’d develop fairly closely, but I was very wrong.

      • Orodemniades November 24, 2010 at 6:53 pm #

        It took the Chieftain awhile to sign, even though I did it for months – months!! The only sign he really got was the one for milk (except his was a straight up and down w/both hands), but since he’s been in speech therapy he’s gotten a few more – for me ( a firm pat to the belly), more (touching forefinger to thumb of opposite hand, or in his case, tapping one thumb with the first three fingers of the other hand), and all done (throwing both hands up into the air, except he puts both hands behind his back, fingers spread). And that’s it. But, he had to be shown a lot of these, literally by moving his hands and repeating the word or phrase, then he caught on quite quick.

        But, y’know, he is stubborn. And a cheeky monkey. And will often refuse to capitulate to our demands for communication. Don’t be fooled, he understands everything…EVERYTHING.

        I hope he starts doing what’s necessary sooner rather than later!

  3. Joanna November 23, 2010 at 7:20 pm #

    I’m sorry for the worrying, I know we as mothers tend to worry a lot, I know I do. If it is any constellation I didn’t talk at all until I was 2-years-old, then I just spoke in sentences. My Mom was really worried about it and even took me to speech therapy, but then one day I busted out with “give me the spoon.” I hope it’s nothing… xoxo.

    • MrsLala November 24, 2010 at 10:52 am #

      I’m really hoping he does the same!

  4. givi girl November 24, 2010 at 6:14 am #

    I have been a blog stalker for QUITE some time (I am a real world friend BlueBella).

    Anyway – We have three kids 12, 6 and 5. I was REALLY worried about our 5 year old for a LONG time. She wasn’t talking or walking. She didn’t even smile until she was almost a year old. She was just this “blob” of a baby. I was terrified she was going to be a “failure to thirve” baby.

    Well, she and her brother are so close in age. The doctor was not worried. We noticed that Charlie did EVERYTHING for her – decided what she was going to eat, play with and would bring her toys. Would you walk and talk if someone did all that for you?

    It was when he went to preschool that she grew into this walking and talking MACHINE!!! She finally walked on her own at 15 or 16 months. We had taken her to a doctor about it becuase she was dragging one of her feet so bad.

    Now she is bossy, sassy and so very precocious. Definitely making up for lost time. She loves dance and LOVES to tell her brothers what to do.

    You girls are so close in age with Nolan, that I wonder if some of that is happening too? Hang in there.

    • MrsLala November 24, 2010 at 10:53 am #

      Yes. Eveylnn does EVERYTHING for EVERYONE. She brings him food, toys, etc. I have been thinking that may be the problem as well.

  5. alisa November 24, 2010 at 7:48 am #

    This sounds exactly like my perfectly normal 18 month-old son. He’s rarely fearful and doesn’t shake his head “no” until recently. In comparison to girls, boys verbally develop much slower (by 18 mos my daughter was uttering 2-3 word sentances). He was much more resistant to sign language. He’s very inconsistant in what he chooses to do. One day he points to an animal I name, other days – nada. He wouldn’t point at anything at all for the longest time! He didn’t walk until 14 mos and that was still perfectly normal. A child not refusing food isn’t a bad thing. It’s just supposed to be an example fo him making his preferences known. Soon the tantrums will start. My son pediatrician said that “normal” for *boys* at 18 most was 4-10 “words” that *I* can understand (not the rest of the world – and things like “Ma” and “Da” and “buh (book) apparently count). I think it’s a bit too early to begin worrying about him – you’re going to drive yourself crazy.

  6. Stephanie November 24, 2010 at 12:18 pm #

    I agree with pp. I think second children do things at a different pace than first children. I think it’s more obvious when you have an older child that “enables” the baby to just be the baby. I know you are worried and with your history, you have the right!! Hugs and Happy Thanksgiving!!!

  7. Sarah November 24, 2010 at 2:57 pm #

    I have a (2-weeks shy from being) 4-year-old son who is autistic. At 13 months I was starting to be concerned, and I was going to tell you all of things that I started noticing about him but I’m not sure if it’s autism that you’re worried about… but then I realized something. When my son was 13 months old I was terrified of him being autistic or having MR or a host of other developmental delays and issues. And then when we got the diagnosis I was terrifed and depressed. I felt like somone took away my fun-loving little boy. But somebody kindly pointed out that a stupid diagnosis didn’t change who he was. We were already receiving EI services because he was born 4 months early so none of his therapies were changing. And for what it’s worth – he went through an exhausting 4-hour long evaluation at a university to test him for autism that was negative. He wasn’t diagnosed until he was nearly 3. The thing is – it’s good to be a ‘little’ worried. If it is autism or anything like it, the earlier therapies start, the better – with your state’s early intervention you can get them without a diagnosis. As for my son, he’s hilarious and funny and challenging and smart and hard and fun all at the same time – just like a regular kid. I fully expect him to graduate, to have friends, to be in a regular classroom (with help, of course.) In other words, as time went on and I talked to other parents of autistic children and as I’m learning how to parent him I realized, it’s just not that bad. It’s not everything that I feared, nor is it everything I hoped for but when does parenting every turn out like that anyway? Sure I have days. Sure I struggle with insurance companies, but it’s just not this horrible life sentence I thought it would be. He’s happy. Trust your Mommy instinct, and I hope it is nothing, but if it is ‘something’ it’s really not as scary as it seems.

    • MrsLala November 26, 2010 at 12:12 pm #

      I am thinking apraxia more than Autism right now, but of course the Autism worry is always there…floating in the back of my mind. Thanks for the support!

  8. Chelle November 27, 2010 at 8:07 pm #

    I can understand why you would be worried, given your past with the girls. I think if you are really concerned you should ask your pediatrician. Honestly though, I bet he’s fine. Now if he was 2 and not doing those things, I’d be worried. But not all babies hit milestones the way things are lined out in the books. Talk to Nolan’s doctor and let us know what he says. I’m sure your little man is just fine. 🙂

  9. Michell December 1, 2010 at 8:31 am #

    I hope it’s all nothing. Thinking of you.


  1. Jungle Talk Tug Four - November 25, 2010

    […] I Am A Worrier. « Empty Uterus Syndrome I know a lot of children don't talk until two or older and that it can often actually be a sign of intelligence as long as they are not delayed in other areas (which he is not). But something in my mommy mind just will not stop gnawing . He probably has some other fine motor planning issues (he is very cautious going up and down stairs, playing on the jungle gym, is hamfisted handling crayons or pens) but we can work on those, too. Here are some comparisons for you. […]

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