The Fear

5 Dec

Can I justbe honest and say that I am TERRIFIED of getting pregnant again?

This is completely new to me, and I have no idea how to deal.

When I decided to have sex for the first time, I did so with the understanding that despite my best efforts, any act of intercourse could result in a baby…and I was (for the most part) ok with that. My entire adult life. Until now.

For the past seven years, my husband and I have either been “not really trying not to” or actively TRYING to have a baby. Toss in four plus years of hard-core infertility and an IVF and then top it off with a SURPRISE baby four months after having preemie twins, and what do you get? A basket case, that’s what!

Now, realistically I know that my husband’s sperm count has probably not magically improved and that Nolan was just a freak miracle. (And believe me, by the way, I am grateful. Beyond grateful, I am over the moon.) I know that in all likelihood Hubby and I could do it like bunnies with no contraception what so ever would probably never have another child.

However: I do NOT want to have another baby anytime soon. Do. Not. And after the aforementioned miracle, I trust NOTHING.

So then, let’s talk birth control, shall we?

While I was pregnant with Nolan Hubby and I discussed our options. I liked the convenience of an IUD, but Hubby and I were both freaked out by the risks. The mini pill sounds good in theory but I have heard that it can decrease your milk supply – besides, I honestly don’t trust the pill. I know way too many people who have concieved children while taking the pill.  Hubby wants to just use condoms (bahaha…if I don’t trust the pill I will never trust a condom!). I asked my Dr about the IUD and she agreed that the risks were scary and she didn’t recommend them, particularly after my 2 c-sections. She said she wouldn’t even place one for two months post op.

So here I sit. Condoms and spermicide in the bedroom drawer and a pack of mini pills in my purse unopened.

What’s a girl to do?

Hubby has tried to initiate sex a handful of times in the past few days and I literally hid under the covers and screamed “NO!”.

I think I felt my ovaries coming back to life the other day as well. ::shudder:: (Yes. I seriously think I ovulated already…damn lies about breastfeeding being a form of birth control!)

What a strange state to find myself in after being infertile for so long. I have no idea how to cope.

My current plan is to wait two more weeks until my milk supply is better established and then tentatively try the mini pills along with condoms and spermicide (stop laughing!). In two months I will likely get the IUD…I’m still freaked out about the side effects, but I’m even more freaked out about getting pregnant again right now.

I would be so grateful if we were blessed with more children in the future. But it is going to be a struggle to provide for these three the way I would like to in our current economy. Hubby is about to get his transplant (I need to post about that, coming soon, I promise), and we live with my PARENTS for Pete’s sake! :sigh::

Not to mention, it would be embarrassing to get pregnant again right away. It would.

So, my fellow infertiles/former infertiles…what form of birth control did you or will you use post-baby? Or will you let the fates decide?

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14 Responses to “The Fear”

  1. Carrie December 5, 2009 at 5:39 pm #

    I am so glad you posted about this because I am having the same crisis as we speak.

    My period returned this week – I don’t want to get pregnant right now but hubby wants to “leave it up to fate.” We are going to get his sperm tested to see where it is but even though we’ve been told we only have a 1% chance of getting pregnant on our own, I’m terrified that it’ll happen, like now. I would totally welcome a surprise pregnancy, but I am just not ready right now.

  2. Michell December 5, 2009 at 6:45 pm #

    Being single birth control is something I haven’t had to worry about in like 7 years but I understand your fear. In your shoes I would likely feel the same way. I know many women use the IUD without much problem but I also know that many of the hormone birth control methods work better (and with fewer side effects) on younger women. Once your period comes back (hopefully not soon) are you regular enough that you can monitor your bodies signs and use that as a method of birth control? That stupid f’ing book taking control of your fertility should be good for something, right? I guess I just mean that she made that form of “birth control” sound so easy. Like I said though, not something I have to worry about so you can ignore what I have for assvice.

  3. April December 5, 2009 at 7:40 pm #

    I’m still nursing my 3rd so I opted for the IUD..Merena. I love it. It took probably 6 months for my body to get used to it but almost non existant periods, no cramps, no PMS-cound me in! Before #2 we found out I have a blood clotting disorder so its the IUD or some other method besides the pill. Works for me. And honestly…glad I have it cause I soooo want another. If I was on the pill I would have stopped taking it by now. #3 is 14 months and while we haven’t ruled another out the IUD is kind of a helpful hurdle.

  4. annacyclopedia December 5, 2009 at 8:58 pm #

    Well it’s a total non issue for us as we used DI to get knocked up in the first place, but can I just say I am so in awe that you are even thinking about sex!!! I had a bad tear and the stitches are still healing but even once that’s done I reckon it will be a while…poor Manny but I just have no idea where we would find the time or the energy! Good luck with your decision.

  5. Chelle December 5, 2009 at 9:19 pm #

    I had no choice after the birth of Baby Bean but to go on some form of bc. I tried the ring and hated it. It gave me horrible IBS, which I have heard is a common complaint. I hate the pill because they turn me into a seriously hormonal B. I cried to my Dr because I didn’t even want to be on bc and asked what she recommended that would keep the endo at bay but not turn me into a raving lunatic. She suggested the IUD. I looked up all of the side effects of an IUD and honestly, most of what I found that was negative centered around an IUD from the late 70s and early 80s that was taken off the market a loooong time ago. I also found that most of Europe is on the IUD and it is the safest, most effective form of bc without all of the horrible hormones. In my case it helps prevent the endo because it prevents the lining from building up every month. There are no really high risks where I had a c-section and a uterine rupture, which btw happens to be directly above where my IUD was placed. I’ve had two ultrasounds since it was placed to ensure it wasn’t implanting itself anywhere and it hasn’t.

    Honestly, if I HAVE to be on bc, my first choice is always going to be the IUD. You don’t have to worry about taking it every day and forgetting. You don’t have to reach up your wang to get it out every month. Its not a patch that can fall off in the shower. Its in and that’s it. I love it. I have had one very light period since I’ve been on it and it was so light I didn’t need party favors. No cramps, no negative side effects, nothing. Its perfect.

    Not only that, but we get to practice without using a rain coat, which is both of our preference. No need for spermicides, sponges, or anything else.

    That’s my two cents and my recommendation. I hope that helps. 🙂

  6. hija December 5, 2009 at 9:40 pm #

    Uh, yeah. I know how you feel. After trying for three years to have a baby, we did (yay!) and then I got a little lax about bc because, well, I’m over the hill and I didn’t think that it could happen again. But (you know where this is going…) then I got pregnant again almost immediately. I cried. A lot. I’m five months in and still haven’t gotten the nerve to tell most folks. I just look oddly fat, I guess. My point in all of this is, even if you choose something nonideal like the pill, choose something, and fast.

  7. Deanna December 6, 2009 at 12:07 am #

    Well here’s my two cents if you want it…

    Hubby and I have opted for an IUD – it’s the most cost effective (when you look at a 2 yr deal) and the easiest (IMO). We want to be able to enjoy sex without worrying every month whether we’re going to expect another baby. We planned for this baby but another one is NOT planned for another two years and would RADICALLY change our lives! I’m sure you know how THAT one feels!

    IUD’s give you double protection as well (At least Mirena does) as it had the apparatus inserted which prevents implantation but then it also has the BC med inserted to provide a hormonal protection as well. Not to mention that you will NEVER have to worry about getting pregnant because you took antibiotics while taking BC because you’ll be receiving the meds thru your woo hoo getting it systemically instead of being absorbed thru your stomach – which is how SOOOO many girls get pregnant while taking the pill.

    And I spoke to my DR about the meds affecting your BM and he said that once BF is established it would only minimally affect your supply until your body adjusted to the med and then would increase. He also said that this could be counter acted if you increase BF (or pumping) or by using Domperidone to increase your supply (and then pump the extra).

    Let us know what you decide! And hurry and write that post aobut the hubby… and post some pics too!!!!!!!!

    BTW, check out my blog, I wrote a VERY awesome thing about the baby….

  8. Ashley December 6, 2009 at 6:08 am #

    I am one of those too freaked out about the IUD. It allows fertilization, but prevents implantation. So, I don’t really agree with it. Also, there are alot of people who get pregnant on it. But when they do, most almost all will miscarry from what I’ve been told. They can’t remove it, so they have to leave it in place. I’m still bfing my 1 year old, and currently 10 weeks preggo. I tried the mini pill, but I just constantly bled with it. So, we went to condoms. They worked just fine lol 🙂 Good luck!!!

  9. Courtney December 6, 2009 at 9:27 am #

    My husband and I are planning to use condoms because I want to breast feed and I’m not in favor of the IUD (the thought of keeping my uterine lining inflamed to prevent a fertilized egg from implanting is kind of off-putting to me). But before we were married I was paranoid about getting pregnant so we used condoms and I was on the pill. After we were married, we just used the pill and had no problems (I was very good about taking it).

    I just found that 2 forms of BC made me feel more secure. So what about a diaphragm or cervical cap or Today’s sponge in addition to the condoms to help you be able to relax and enjoy without having to worry about hormones and milk supply?

  10. Maddy December 7, 2009 at 11:53 am #

    I don’t have any advice, but I’ve enjoyed hearing what others have had to say. 8.5 months after the birth of my son, I still don’t have my period back (but I am still nursing and pumping). Since we used IVF to conceive my son, my husband and I are just not using any birth control. If we happen to conceive naturally, that would be FANTASTIC! But I totally understand where you are coming from at this point in your life. I’m impressed that you’re having sex at all! You recently had a C-section and you have 3 children! Seriously, I’m impressed.

  11. Annie December 7, 2009 at 11:53 am #

    I opted for the Mirena IUD and *LOVE* it. Like the others, it took me a while to get used to it (~6 mo also) but now, 2 years out I have one day of light spotting every 4 months or less. LOVE IT. It’s so nice not having that monthly slap-in-the-face. I had 4 pregnancies, a c-section, uterine surgery plus another issue with my uterus. My OB/GYN felt another pregnancy was far riskier than any problem I might have with the IUD. I talked with her about something more permanent (tubal ligation) but she said most patients with my history who have ligations will seek out an IUD or pill to help with the monthly cycle issues I was having. Plus, I have a clotting disorder and am over 35 so I couldn’t do the shot. …whew… too much about me. I guess what i want to say is I wonder if your doctor was just compassionately listening to your fears and not actually talking through them with you. The current IUDs have very low risks, even in people with multiple c-sections and high risk of uterine rupture (as I was). If you feel and IUD is right for you, maybe you can talk to her some more. Ask her about risks of the IUD vs. risks of another pregnancy right now.

  12. leahboral December 8, 2009 at 11:30 am #

    I really have no clue what I would do in that situation. I’m terrified to get pregnant again so I get that. I can’t know what it’s like with the frozen embryo thing. Maybe if you give it some time things will become clearer. You have had lots on your plate this year! Plus, embryos don’t just suddenly kick the bucket after 3 years. You might be suprised!

  13. Two Makes Four December 12, 2009 at 9:16 am #

    Although I’m not in the “infertiles” circle, I totally agree with you on your feelings about the mini pill, condoms and IUDs.

    Condoms are awful. I don’t trust an IUD — perforation of the uterus? No thanks. And with your apparently thinned and scar-tissued uterus, I would feel very wary of it in your shoes.

    I will tell you that I took the mini pill starting about about 6 months PP and it IMMEDIATELY screwed up my milk supply pretty bad and caused me to turn into a complete lunatic. I had to work really hard to get my supply back up.

    I opted for the diaphragm and spermicide, which is what I’d used for a few months after stopping birth control before conceiving my twins. I know, they’re old fashioned, right? And some pharmacies don’t even fill the script for them because not many people use them anymore. But for me, they’re close to ideal because I’m so wary of other forms of birth control. You have to be careful to use it correctly, but once you get the hang of inserting and removing it, and putting in the spermicide, it’s great — you don’t even feel it.

    My $.02! Hope it helps.

  14. BlueBella December 17, 2009 at 7:54 pm #

    I just got the Mirena IUD last week and so far so good! I’m not sure what side effects you’re referring to, but my doc had no problem giving me one after 2 c-sections, but it’s over a year since my last one.

    If you do get one, make sure it’s during your period or very close to it since your cervix will be softer and it will be easier to do – I was lucky and the timing just happened to be right, but I had no idea until the nurse told me that was the best time to do it!

    Good luck!

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