Must Remember to Breathe

3 Aug

Lennon’s surgery is a little over a week away and I know, I KNOW, I promised to save all of the crazy hissy fits for the site I made just for that…but now that I have family going there I feel too guilty to freak them out. I feel like I have to pretend to be brave for them. Not that I am brave about this. Not one freaking bit.

But one must keep up appearances I suppose.

Not that ALL of them care. My mother, of course, refuses to come and visit Lennon in the hospital because it is too far for her to drive (an hour). She drives about that far every other weekend to visit her mother in San Diego. What the eff ever.

Also, I keep having these recurring fears – that’s she’s going to look VERY different after the surgery (not unfounded), that they won’t have enough blood for her…and the list goes on. I just want to squeeze her and never let go.


I had wanted to take the girls to Disneyland for their first birthday but wasn’t sure that Lennon would be up to it by next month…so we took them last night.

Yes. I’m insane.

We only went for the evening, just two rides and the fireworks…but the girls LOVED it and it was just so cute. We got season passes so we can go back when she does feel better. Not sure how I’ll do that with a BFing baby in tow as well…but I’ll make it work.

I’ll post another blog with pics.

Speaking of baby…um…I’m due in less than 15 weeks. When the HELL did that happen?!

And things seem to be better with Hubby. I told him that if they did not improve that I would walk. That seemed to be enough for him (for now). We’ll see.

It seems all I can do is ramble these days.

And get in trouble at work because I can’t focus.


Very nice.


13 Responses to “Must Remember to Breathe”

  1. Sweet Georgia August 4, 2009 at 5:26 am #

    I wish I could say don’t worry and everything will work out fine but, I don’t have a crystal ball. (Whenever that’s said to me it never really helps). I will say that 99.9% of the things we worry about never come to pass.

    I’m glad that things with your hubby are on the mend. One less thing to worry about at the moment.

    15 weeks!!! You’re right, when did that happen?! I’m sure they’re going to fly by.

  2. MFA Mama August 4, 2009 at 5:30 am #

    You poor thing! Thanks for posting the update, and don’t worry about the hissy fit(s) (see that was me being all supportive by leaving you room for more!). Your baby is having surgery. That is scary. The end. You’re TOTALLY insane with the Disney, but hey, more power to ya if you didn’t have to be carried out of there on a papoose board after snatching every last strand of your hair out 🙂 I’m glad to hear that you’re still safely pregnant with the Bean and in the era of viability now. I’m having some big surgery myself on Friday so I’m not totally sure I’ll be able to read and comment around the actual date of Lennon’s surgery but I’ll be thinking about you. Hang in there!

  3. Michelle August 4, 2009 at 5:38 am #

    I am sure you are very scared. This is your little sweet pea that you went to the depths of hell and back to retrieve. I would be really scared too. I pray that everything goes well and that the surgery is the epitome of success.

    It is so cute that you took them to DL. I bet it was so nice to take a load off and just focus on them having a good time.

    Hang in there sweetie. You have a lot of people praying for you and thinking about you.

    BIG hugs!

  4. Aunt Becky August 4, 2009 at 6:09 am #

    Keep Breathing, Mrs. L. It’s terrifying and awful, I know.

  5. Ms. J August 4, 2009 at 7:30 am #

    I took a ton of photos of Lil Pumpkin in the bathtub in the weeks prior to her surgery, wanting to capture her perfect chest on film before it would be marred by an incision forever.

    I think the fact that she was a girl, and we women are vain, made it more emotional, too, when imagining how she would look post-surgery.

    A fellow blogger wrote to me that just as I had stopped noticing that Lil Pumpkin was Chinese, the day would come in which I would also stop noticing that she had an incision on her chest, which would fade in time, too. And that has begun to happen . . . I am not as hyped up when it comes to selecting her clothes for public outings (not wanting her outfit to highlight the incision), though I do take greater care when we will be around new children who might make a comment or notice.

    Can you invest in some lightweight hats for Lennon to wear after surgery (floppy sunhats) for public outings? Maybe it would give you some emotional peace that things are still normal (esp. if both girls wear them). Just a suggestion.

    I also took a bunch of photos in the hospital, and in the immediate weeks after we came home, so Lil Pumpkin would someday be able to look back and see how far she had come, and how brave she was, and how that line on her chest had come to be. Again, a suggestion.

    As for your Mom . . . I am wondering if it’s too painful for her to come and see Lennon like that? (I agree, she should suck it up and be there for you, nonetheless). My mother-in-law asked us to not send her photo updates from the hospital, because it wasn’t something she could handle (and she is a former operating room nurse). If your Mom refuses to come, is there something else she could stay behind and do to provide comfort to you, and assistance? Think about it, and maybe discuss with her.

    Is there a friend or aunt that could come to the hospital and serve that role for you? My cousin Debbie (my Mom’s first cousin) offered to be a “runner” or us at the hospital – basically getting coffee, beverages, snacks, whenever anybody needed it. So, we had her there with us under that guise, but I had asked Debbie privately to actually keep an eye on my own mother, and make sure she wasn’t grating my nerves. It worked!

    I will make sure I am available by email on Lennon’s surgery day, in case you want to email (or text – do you want me to send you my cell number?) if you need extra long-distance support.


  6. Michell August 4, 2009 at 9:13 am #

    Hang in there. I hope that the surgery and all goes well. I know this is a super scary thing for you. I’m sorry that your mom isn’t very supportive but it could be that she is pretty freaked out too and doesn’t know how to deal with it. Thinking of you and sending hugs.

  7. samcy August 4, 2009 at 9:29 am #

    This must be so hard on you honey. Glad to hear things are better with Mr L and I’m thinking of you and Lennon on the 13th.

    PS -> 15 weeks till new one arrives? Crikey!!!


  8. seussgirl August 4, 2009 at 9:51 am #

    I hear you on time passing – I’m 32 weeks (gulp!)
    I’ve heard good things about mothers’ rooms at Disney, maybe that will help!

    Thinking of you and all to come in the week ahead!

  9. Two Makes Four August 4, 2009 at 12:00 pm #

    I can only imagine the worry, but hold strong and hang in there. All of us are pulling for Lennon’s surgery to go well.

    And yeah, your pregnancy is going awfully fast!

  10. Io August 4, 2009 at 5:02 pm #

    Update us away! I just wish you didn’t *have* this worry to update us about. I hope this week goes quickly and the surgery goes well.

  11. Lissa August 5, 2009 at 7:50 pm #

    Aww I can’t see the disney pictures. I bet they are cute.

  12. Stacy August 6, 2009 at 9:00 pm #

    Dropping by from Craniokids…

    Everything you’re feeling is completely normal. I’m not gonna sugar coat it for you- the day of surgery and the few days after will be some of the hardest you have ever been through. It will be truly gut wrenching to see what she goes through. But the time will pass, she will make it through surgery brilliantly, and by the time a month or two post-op has past, you will look back and be so grateful that its all over! We’re three months post op, and if it weren’t for the complications that my boy is facing, we would probably hardly ever think about the surgery. You can’t even see his scar! Anyway, hang in there. Its going to be a really long week, but you’ll make it.

  13. Malloryn August 12, 2009 at 8:31 am #

    I’ll be thinking about you and Lennon and your family tomorrow!

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