1 Jul

No, we did not have the amnio today.

However, we ARE going to have it – at 32 weeks when the baby is viable and out of the really scary preemie phase. That is what the doctors and nurses suggested today.

In a nut shell, this is what happened:

They did not find any soft markers on the ultrasound but warned us that they only show up in 55% of Down’s cases and to not get our hopes up. Our results were pretty high, they said, about has high as the average 48 year old’s chances of having a Down’s baby. They said that even if this baby doesn’t have Down’s, that SOMETHING made those test results come out the way that they did and that, basically, we should be prepared for anything.

They gave us some really cute ultrasound images.

He has Evelynn’s nose.

I can’t get my scanner to work since moving, but I will try to take a picture of the picture later and post that. I’ve been so bad about pictures.

I really wish that the amnio didn’t have such a high risk of miscarriage because I really would like to know. I know it’s selfish, but I would feel so much better if I just knew what to expect – you know?

I’ve been doing some reading

 It’s just hard.

Not knowing.

Overall things are going better though. It’s not that our situation has improved any, it hasn’t (lol). But, I am just SO done being depressed about it. It doesn’t suit me. I cannot maintain that level of unhappiness…So I’ve decided to just not be upset. There is nothing I can do about anything right now. My life is in a holding pattern and all I can do is enjoy being pregnant, enjoy my beautiful girls and my wonderful husband and take it day by day.

So, that’s what I’m going to do.

Oh, and I enrolled the girls in day care. They start on the 20th. I’m really nervous about it (and about how the heck I am going to afford it). But I think it will be a good thing overall.


18 Responses to “::sigh::”

  1. Service is joy July 1, 2009 at 9:13 pm #

    My friend has an absolutely charming son. Who has Down Syndrome. It’s not easy, but we’ve talked and she wouldn’t trade it for anything. She’d most likely be willing “talk” to you over emails, etc. if you were interested.
    As for counting your blessings and finding the joy again in life….

  2. Michell July 1, 2009 at 9:22 pm #

    I understand the wanting to know. I think I would too. I do understand also though deciding to wait until 32 weeks. I’ll keep hoping for you that it all turns out to be a big bunch of nothing. Good for you for looking at the bright side of things. I wish I were better at that. Hang in there and hugs to you.

  3. Michelle July 2, 2009 at 5:39 am #

    I am really glad to hear that you get to hold off on the amnio until 32 weeks. I really worry about you doing it. Its good to hear that you are coming to terms with everything and deciding to just move on. I always have a hard time with that as well. Focusing on the positive really is so much better. You do have two beautiful little baby girls, and a handsome little guy on the way. Keep your chin up.

    Big hugs!

  4. Leah July 2, 2009 at 5:45 am #

    Just remember, the chance of your sweet boy having DS is 1 in 25. Not 25 in 25. That’s a 0.04% chance that your baby could have it. Not 100%. I know this doesn’t help, but I’ve been through this over and over in my mind as well and I just wanted to share.

    Whatever comes your way, I know you will handle it with grace and love. We both will. It really suprises me that your doctors are being so aggressive about all of this. I am not really sure how they can be so “certain” when these tests are not even 100% accurate. It’s a screening for heaven’s sake!!

    It’s a constant on the brain, I know that for sure. But we really do have to enjoy every moment or our miracles. And I know you do. It’s the anxiety that’s stealing our joy.

    You are in my thought and prayers constantly!

    BTW, check out this blog. Same story as us….good outcome! And she even had markers!


  5. Sheri Rouse July 2, 2009 at 6:42 am #

    Lots of love. Everything will be fine . . .whatever way it works out. Keep your chin up and love on those sweet girls!

  6. annacyclopedia July 2, 2009 at 7:27 am #

    Oh, sweetheart. It is not selfish to want to know what you are facing with this baby. Not in the least. Not knowing is very hard, as we all know, and when you have so many other things happening that are also uncertain, it is a lot for anyone to handle. I hope you can hold yourself with a lot of gentleness and compassion over this, and I’m sending you all my gentlest thoughts and wishes. Hang in there!

  7. noswimmersrant July 2, 2009 at 9:54 am #

    I can’t imagine the range of emotions you’re feeling. Not knowing has got to be so difficult, I’m sure you want to be prepared, no matter how things turn out. I wish I had the magic words for you!

    That story was heartwarming (at the same time I found myself wanting to strangle those doctors/nurses). That little boy has defied anyones expectations!

    Oh sweetie…sending so many hugs and prayers your way.


  8. S July 2, 2009 at 10:25 am #

    I’m glad you did what made you feel most comfortable with the amnio. I want to just mirror what everyone else has said…..the statistics sound scary but are not certain. I have a story too (besides my own). A good friend had unfavorable b/w results, went to level II u/s, no soft markers, decided against the amnio, perfectly happy and healthy little girl will turn 2 on the 4th.

    I know that the unknown can be overwhelming. I’m sorry it causes stress. Hugs!!

  9. Emily July 2, 2009 at 11:31 am #

    Oh no, I’m sorry. I wish you could just ‘know’ also. There have been too many things thrown at you…. you know that you’re one tough cookie, right?

    Wishing for a miricle…

  10. Aunt Becky July 2, 2009 at 4:40 pm #

    I’m sorry, love, I’m so sorry. I can’t begin to imagine how you must be feeling. Please, email me if you want a shoulder.

  11. Io July 2, 2009 at 6:08 pm #

    It’s not at all selfish to want to know. I wouldn’t even be able to wait – I hope the wait is easy for you and the results are good.
    I hope the new attitude helps – it’s easy to make ourselves feel worse when we’re already down.

  12. Leah July 3, 2009 at 3:51 pm #

    Hi there. Wondering if I could have the password to your newest post. xo

  13. Ktee July 3, 2009 at 7:14 pm #

    Hiya. I followed your blog back when you were pregnant with the girls. I somehow “lost” you, but recently found you again. Yay! I also wanted to know if you would allow me to have the password to your posts. And again, I’m so happy to have “found” you.

  14. Karen B. July 4, 2009 at 11:16 am #

    I’m a fairly new reader. Is it possible to get the password to read your last post?

  15. Shari July 5, 2009 at 7:27 pm #

    Just wondering if I could get a password. I just started following your blog from Mandy at no swimmers. I’ve started reading your blog from the beginning and plan to keep following. Good luck with everything you have happening in your life.

  16. tracey July 5, 2009 at 8:54 pm #

    Hi, I am also wondering if I could please have your password?

  17. Two Makes Four July 8, 2009 at 6:58 pm #

    Good for you for keeping the right outlook. Really, what can you do except enjoy the moment and be grateful for all that is right instead of the “what if’s.” Chin up! You’re doing great!

  18. dhdana July 9, 2009 at 8:35 am #

    I just found your blog and thought I’d off my two cents.

    I had a “good” amnio experience at 16 weeks pregnant. Good, as in, it didn’t hurt much, no complications, etc.

    I know people have mentioned there’s no point in getting one if you’re not going to terminate. I knew I wasn’t going to terminate (my son’s issue wasn’t Downs, it was related to cystic fribrosis), but I did want to have “complete” information on him in case doctors thought he’d need immediate medical attention at birth. As you mention, the amnio may reveal it’s something other than Downs.

    The word “complete” is in quotes in the paragraph above because in our case, we did learn our son’s genetic makeup, but his particular combination of variants was something there aren’t very many studies on. So in short, we didn’t know what to expect and there wasn’t any medical data in this particular area. That can be one of the frustrations of genetic testing, when you test beyond where there are answers.

    Best of luck.

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