Symptoms…not.

16 Mar

I pretty much feel nothing.

Which is giving me SOMETHING to obsess about.

I’m having a hard time believing that I am pregnant to begin with – and this is not helping. I mean, ME? US!? The concept that we got pregnant just from having SEX? No pills, no shots, no….

I have been extra tired and extra hungry, but I don’t trust that that is not all in my head. No nausea, no sore boobs. Nothing.

I am in uncharted waters here…

My only experience with pregnancy involved lots of progesterone shots (AND suppositories), estridol, weekly labs and ultrasounds…etc.

I don’t know how to just sit here and believe that everything is ok (I don’t).

I don’t know how to do “normal” pregnancy, damn it!

And I’m freaking the hell out.

Where is the nausea? The food aversions? The boobs that hurt so badly I can’t drag them out of bed with me? (To be fair, I don’t think I got those things until around week 6 or 8 with the girls, and I was actually pregnant with THREE at that time.)

Now that I’ve gotten over the shock of this and I am *totally* excited about it, I feel like that must mean that it’s all about to get taken away from me. Right? Isn’t that how it works?

My ultrasound is on Monday. As in a week from today. I can’t stop thinking about the “what if”s. Please, oh please, let there be a heart beat.

I’ve been banned from pee sticks by a very irritated Hubby who found like three empty boxes in the trash. ::blush::

I admit that I might have taken a few. Or six.

OK, FINE!

Seven, including the one at the doctor’s office.

And I might have carried them around in my purse for a few days so that I could obsess over them whenever I felt so inclined. (Don’t be grossed out, I realized that I was “crazy” and put them in a drawer. Where I can obsess about them only when I have free time.)

 Still spotting. It’s still just brown “flakes”.

Really I have no symptoms that are really worrying me in particular.

I think I’m just totally insane.

Thanks four and a half years of infertility, now I can’t even enjoy a miracle!

I’m a complete fracking nut case.

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9 Responses to “Symptoms…not.”

  1. Amanda March 16, 2009 at 2:41 pm #

    I understand the obsessing and worrying. After all you’ve been through, it’s normal. Hell, IMO it’s normal regardless. And as far as carrying around used pee sticks…been there, done that. They were my happy thought until I had some good betas! 🙂

  2. Io March 16, 2009 at 2:59 pm #

    Well, you have to have *something* to obsess about! At least it’s a good thing like being pregnant! 🙂

  3. Michell March 16, 2009 at 6:33 pm #

    Seven huh? Hang in there. I hope the next week passes quickly.

  4. twondra March 17, 2009 at 3:04 am #

    Awww, sweetie, I hope everything is okay. I’m thinking of you!!

  5. seussgirl March 17, 2009 at 5:05 am #

    If you’re crazy, I’m right there with you. It’s hard having had a “high-risk” pregnancy first, with u/s every 3 weeks (and then every 2), and now not being able to see this baby again till 20 weeks! That’s a lot of time to go crazy in between!

  6. Keri March 17, 2009 at 6:52 am #

    You are reacting completely normally for someone who struggled so long to get twins and now suddenly have an oops – even the carrying the sticks around in the purse. I’m sure I’d be in a state somewhere between disbelief and euphoria if I were you. Hang in there, the ultrasound will be here before you know it.

  7. Nity March 17, 2009 at 7:28 am #

    I hope everything will go very well… Congratulations!! It is a weird transition from IVF patient to ‘normal’ pregnant woman. Hope the transition is smooth and all goes perfectly!

  8. Idoia March 17, 2009 at 8:19 am #

    I agree with the PP! I can’t imagine what my next pregnancy will be like, going from being so highly monitored to going once a month like every other pregnant woman. Assuming, of course, the next one is a singleton. My fingers are crossed for you!

  9. Away2me March 17, 2009 at 4:19 pm #

    Seriously, you have me both dreading having sex and repeating the TTC obsession and also, enjoying the possibility of it all happening without IVF.

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