Old Habits Die Hard

23 Jan

I just got my first “real” period since having the girls last week.

So WHY am I charting?!

What the HELL is wrong with me?

I guess it’s just such a habit now, I can’t stop!

It doesn’t help that I have had TWO different people call me totally out of the blue to tell me that they had dreams that I miraculously got pregnant with another baby. Oh, and my doctor gave me the whole “birth control” speech at my annual last week as well. (I laughed at him).

Seriously?

Not only am I setting myself up for disappointment ALLL over again (it’s not like I’m forgetting the four years of HELL it took to get these girls here) – but would I even want another baby so soon?

Of course I’d be thrilled. But would it be ideal? No.

And why am I even still discussing this?! It’s still not physically POSSIBLE!

It’s not like Hubby magically got sperm all of a sudden!

Perhaps I should consider going on birth control after all simply so I don’t obsess every month like the crazy that I am obviouslyturning into. Sheesh.

Please someone stop me before I go buy OPKs. I really want to…just to see if I am ovulating…but it doesn’t MATTER if I am or not. Gawd, I’m embarrassing myself.

Ok.

I just had to get that off my chest. Thank you for putting up with me.

In other news, those of you who have been reading for awhile will remember that right around the time the girls were conceived I had also applied to a graduate program and was accepted. It was my back up plan in case the IVF didn’t take and, since it did, I obviously didn’t start the program this fall.

Wellllll…..

Hi Angela,

I’m glad to know that you are planning to join us! All you need to do is reapply to the university—I still have your complete file here so you need not send anything else to the department.  As soon as Admissions and Records processes your application, I’ll send you a letter informing you that you are formally admitted.  Since our cut-off is march 1 for Fall admittance, you will likely hear from me towards the end of March. However, you may take this email as unofficial confirmation that you will be admitted.

 

I’ve decided to go for it this next September. The girls will be a year old then, and a teeeny bit more self sufficient (I hope)…so I think I might be able to pull it off. I’m not sure yet if I will go part or full time…I am leaning towards full (even if it means reducing my hours at work).

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8 Responses to “Old Habits Die Hard”

  1. Michell January 23, 2009 at 10:28 pm #

    Old habits do die really hard. Even though I know I’m on a break for quite a while each month when the CM shows I up I have the couple days of wishing I could go get some spermies. Not that it would do any good.
    Good luck with school. I hope it all works out well.

  2. ultimatejourney January 24, 2009 at 7:00 pm #

    Wow, exciting news about school! And yeah, it’s weird when AF shows up again. We’re clearly not gonna get pg on our own so it’s kindof a cruel reminder of what I can’t have.

  3. noswimmers January 24, 2009 at 8:55 pm #

    Old habits really do die hard, don’t they?
    ((HUGS))

  4. Sweet Georgia January 26, 2009 at 5:54 am #

    Wow, I think I’d take the BCP just for a little peace of mind. I know how addicting the peeing on things can get and the charting.

    Fabulous news about school. I think you’re brave to tackle it with the girls being so little. You can do it!

  5. jessica ratliff January 26, 2009 at 3:44 pm #

    if i were you i wouldn’t go on birth control you can use your charting in the opposite way. instead to get prego, not to get prego. all the chemicals that are in birth control can really mess up your bodies natural way of thinking and then if you are using it oppsite and get prego you know that it is Gods will.

  6. Michelle January 27, 2009 at 11:29 am #

    Ha ha! I’m still pregnant and already thinking about the next one. I’m glad I’m not the only “crazy.” 😉 I think we just go through it for so long it becomes a part of who we are.

    That is so awesome about the graduate program still being a wide-open option! Go for it!

  7. givigirl January 28, 2009 at 5:58 am #

    I lurk through bluebella….she’s a good friend of mine. I just want to tell you to PLEASE use protection unless you want to get pregnant again! My husband and I couldn’t get pregnant – we were both not working right. I have PCOS and he had a terribly low sperm count. Took us almost 2 years to get pregnant with Charlie. He was born 10.4.04. That Christmas we loaded up and spent the new year with his sister in San Diego (from Iowa). NYE we shared a bottle of wine, got frisky and BOOM! SuperBowl Sunday I was like “Why do I have heartburn?!?!” John panicked and I took a leftover test I had in the closet. Sure enough, it was positive.

    We cried, told Charlie we sere sorry for imepding on his babyhood and I went to the doctor. I had twins. I wasn’t sure what to pray for – I was terrified! 2 weeks later we miscarried both of them. I needed to have that progesterone from the minute I found out I was pregnant and didn’t have it.

    As much as you think you CAN’T get pregnant, please be careful. I would **HATE** for anything like that to happen to anyone else.

    Thankfully, we got pregnant again, on our own without fertility drugs, heartache, charting, etc. and our sweet Abby was born 5.12.06.

    Best of luck to you and your family. I do keep you in my prayers.

  8. ifthisworks March 10, 2009 at 7:30 pm #

    I’m just catching up on your blog. Your girls are so sweet, by the way. 🙂

    Funny you had those people call you out of the blue… then it really happened. What a shock for you, I know (with my husbands numbers) that it would be a miracle if it actually happened. I would haver go on BCP… (Given our years of trying, infertility, and IVF, we’ll take miracles whenever!!!)

    Congratulations on your third miracle!

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