Nervous Excitement

18 Aug

We are having a 4D ultrasound done today at 6pm.

I am SOOO excited about it, but also so, SO nervous!

Hubby and I went back and forth on whether or not we wanted to do this at all, but I finally decided that it was something that I neededto because I am having bonding issues. I guess after years and years of trying and being disappointed and then almost as much time spend trying to prepare myself for the fact that it just might never happen…I am having trouble backing up and making a connection now.

Yeah, sure…I am huge. Yeah, I feel them kick. I’ve even heard their heart beats (well, I hear them everyday), and seen ultrasounds. But it all still feels so abstract – like I’m looking at other peoples pictures or something. I’m not sure how to describe it exactly, but I am hoping that after today it will feel more real, and more specific. Does that make any sense at all? I feel like I am rambling.

I just hope they are happy and healthy in there. I hope I feel something when I see them.

Wish me luck guys. =/

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12 Responses to “Nervous Excitement”

  1. Tashida August 18, 2008 at 4:38 pm #

    Good Luck! Can’t wait to see the pics!

  2. annacyclopedia August 18, 2008 at 4:46 pm #

    Good luck, and I hope you feel a jolt of emotion when you see them. But if you don’t, it doesn’t mean you won’t bond with them later, and it doesn’t mean anything bad about you. You will be a fantastic mother and will be so close to your little ones. Personally, I think the fact that you are concerned about your bonding means you’re pretty well bonded to them already, but that’s just my opinion. I hope the pictures are fantastic and make you feel more secure about their impending arrival! Hugs!

  3. ultimatejourney August 18, 2008 at 5:40 pm #

    Good luck! I think everything will turn out great. Even with u/s pics, the whole baby thing is very abstract until the birth. And honestly, the bond continues to grow stronger long after that. Don’t worry if you don’t feel any immediate fireworks at any point in the process. You will love these babies SOOO much.

  4. Sarah August 18, 2008 at 7:53 pm #

    Good luck! I didn’t do much bonding before birth either, mostly I cursed the not being able to breathe and the painful kicks under my ribs, but now I know better and I’m so grateful for every moment of discomfort. But I wouldn’t worry too much about it right now, you are bonding with them in your own, unique way. You care very much for them, that is obvious to anyone who reads this blog, and as far as I’m concerned, that’s bonding in a nutshell. But I hope you had a grand time nonetheless.

  5. twondra August 19, 2008 at 2:57 am #

    I hope it went well! I’m anxious to see pics!!

  6. samcy August 19, 2008 at 4:44 am #

    Hope it was wonderful! Can’t wait to see pics and try not beat yourself up about not bonding – it is understandable how you feel about it “not being you” it is happening to… You’ll bond.

    HUGS!
    xxx

  7. Away2me August 19, 2008 at 4:49 am #

    Oh I’m so excited for you. I hope it helps to reassure you this is real. By the way, I totally understand that. I was so glad to have an U/S last week, it made me feel less like a fraud and more pregnant. I’m still getting used to the idea though.

  8. Sweetgeorgia August 19, 2008 at 5:30 am #

    I think what you’re feeling is perfectly normal. I really hope that the ultrasound helps things seem a little more real and that you’ll be able to connect more with the LO’s.

  9. BlueBella August 19, 2008 at 5:45 am #

    Oh I can’t wait to see the pictures!!!! I hope everything went really well and you’re happy with the results.
    It is harder to bond when you go through such hardships – I felt the same way with my twins because of all the problems their father and I were going through. It is a very normal thing to feel (or not feel for that matter) and once they’re here all that will disappear. Just try to enjoy what you can and block out what you can’t . . .when the girls are here the bond will form as it should.

  10. Ms. J August 19, 2008 at 6:14 am #

    I think it sounds like a good idea, and your logic is well-thought out. Having to be a bit detached, after all you hve been through, is completely understandable, so PLEASE don’t beat yourself up about this.

    Also . . . what did you decide about the friend with MRSA child?

  11. noswimmers August 19, 2008 at 8:49 am #

    Good luck today–I’m so excited for you! Can’t wait to hear all about it.

  12. Michelle August 19, 2008 at 6:00 pm #

    Yep, completely know how you feel. It all makes sense to me. 🙂

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