Reality Bites

26 Jun

Actually, I have decided that I (we) are doing better these days. Strange shooting pains aside, I think that the fluid is most likely just the normal pregnancy “stuff” that is supposed to be there. (Sorry, I know this is TMI, but I wanted to document all of the strangeness of this pregnancy in case anyone else is ever in the same boat and goes looking for information). Since the doc did the Ph test and it came out negative, I’m actually hoping that this is a good thing because the spotting/bleeding that I have had for this WHOLE pregnancy so far seems to be FINALLY going away (holding my breath).

I’m still going to try and be extra careful until my next appointment on the 11th, however, just in case (no swimming, no baths, etc).

I am also trying not to obsess on the fact that I have not been feeling the girls move as much today and yesterday as I had been in the days before that. I am still feeling them move once or twice a day – but in the days leading up to that it had been an all day thing (and they were getting stronger every day, particularly when they managed to get my bladder, lol). When I sneeze they totally freak and flip all over the place for several seconds – so I know they are still in there – but it makes me nervous that they are not doing as well as they could be. Could it be that I am not eating enough?? Maybe they have just moved into positions where I don’t feel the kicks as strongly…Anyhow, as I said, not going to obsess.

What I really wanted to talk about though (well, I don’t WANT to honestly, but I feel that I need to) is the fact that I am really starting to get upset about the triplet that we lost. At first I was pretty ok with it for some reason, but the further along that we get and the more real that these two become to me, the more  realize exactly what we lost. I am thinking that it is going to be really tough once they are born and I am holding them thinking about the fact that we were supposed to be holding three. I hope it wasn’t something that I did wrong. I wonder if I had pushed harder to see a specialist if our third little one would still be with us today?

Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely grateful for what we still have…but…

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8 Responses to “Reality Bites”

  1. Ms. J June 26, 2008 at 6:16 pm #

    It does sound very tough . . . I can’t imagine. You (and they) have absolutely lost something very precious. I wish I had something comforting to offer beyond that, but I know there are no words to make it better.

    I am convinced that baby is with your Granie, though.

    HUGS.

    I’m here if you need to talk.

  2. sarah23 June 26, 2008 at 8:57 pm #

    I would be really worried for the future health of all 3 babies if you were still carrying triplets. However, I do understand your mourning the loss of your third baby. You had enough love to give to all three, and it’s not fair that he/she was taken away.

    Hugs to you!

  3. twondra June 27, 2008 at 3:02 am #

    Awww, sweetie, I’m soo sorry. I can’t imagine how tough that is. Of course you’re going to grieve the third one. It’s natural. And don’t think it’s not okay…..it is. 🙂 Hang in there hon! We’re all here!! (((HUGS)))

  4. BlueBella June 27, 2008 at 6:20 am #

    Oh sweet pea – I can’t imagine what you’re going through. And that’s exactly why I’m still pregnant with my little girl, after having my twins I could not imagine not bringing this little life into the world. When you know what an embryo can become, it’s a whole different story. . .and you’re feeling that in your belly.
    Try not to dwell in sadness too much and trust your baby is with your Grandma, my dear. You will meet again.
    Dang, I wish we could spend some days just lounging away in that saltwater pool, sunning our growing bellies and sipping lemonade!

  5. sara June 27, 2008 at 8:49 am #

    I think the fact that you still wonder and have these feelings just shows that you are human and will be a loving and caring mom. No nothing you did though caused that to happen, try not to beat yourself up over that . You have done a great job, and you are doing so much to be a good mom already. Sometimes things happen and we never know why, but it was nothing you did. I hope you find peace in the two little ones that will be here before you know it, and you will always miss the other child, but hopefully you will be at peace with that too someday – it just shows how caring and motherly you are. ((hugs))

  6. Lost in Space June 27, 2008 at 6:38 pm #

    Huge hugs, hun. No matter how many babies you are carrying now or in the future does not take away from the fact that you lost a baby. It is okay to be happy with what you have now while still grieving what you lost. I’m so sorry. ((hugs))

  7. noswimmers June 27, 2008 at 11:43 pm #

    Oh hun…I’m sure it was nothing you did/could have prevented. Really. I doubt there was anything a specialist could have done.
    Hang in there!

  8. Michelle June 29, 2008 at 7:58 am #

    I am sure that the loss of #3 was nothing you did. It just wasn’t developing well and would not have had a good life had it made it. You can’t feel bad about things that have happened, all you can do is look forward, with hope, to tomorrow. I am sure that your pregnancy hormones don’t help your grief either though.

    I hope that the fluid deal stops, as well as the spotting. I also hope you have lots of romantic comedies to watch while on bed rest. 😉

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