Some Bad News

5 May

I just found out that we lost one of the babies.

My next ultrasound was set for Wednesday, but on Sunday I spent all day in bed with a feeling of “pressure” in my uterus and some shooting pains. I almost went to the ER, but I couldn’t decide if they were just really bad gas pains or not. I knew that the shooting pains weren’t gas because they were mostly in my cervix, but the rest of the pain seemed to get better when I went to the rest room…so I held off.

This morning I had a smear of brown blood on the TP when I went to the rest room so I called the RE and asked to come in sooner. I wasn’t that surprised when they couldn’t find a heartbeat on the middle baby. =( In fact, there wasn’t really even a baby in the sac anymore – just some blurry “stuff”.

The baby on my left side (the one in the smaller sac, the one Dr. A had marked for death) was measuring more than a week behind at 8 weeks and 4 days and had a heart rate of 182 – which seems too high to me, making me wonder if that baby is in distress. (I am 9 weeks 6 days today, BTW). The other baby is measuring 9 weeks 2 days and has a heart rate of 162. The bigger baby was SOOOOOO cute. It was moving all over the place and really looked like it was dancing!!

Anyhow, we went out to eat after the ultrasound (my mom had come with us), and while I am sad and dissapointed, overall I am ok.

I came home and took a nap for an hour. When I woke up and went to the rest room the toilet was FULL of blood. Now I am really freaking out. It was mostly brown blood, but there was some red in there too…it it was the volume of it that scares me.

Losing one of the babies was sad, and I sort of have a bad feeling about the littler one…but I am going to be DEVASTATED if I lose my dancing baby too. I have been through so much for this, I am so scared we are going to lose them all.

I was supposed to go back for another ultrasound next week, but when I called and told them about the blood they told me to come back first thing in the AM. I also called my OB who wants to see me as well.

In the mean time I have been put back on strict bed rest. I haven’t told school or work what is going on just yet – I just can’t bring myself to talk about it. I’m going to have to face it soon though, I have a paper due tomorrow and they must be wondering why I didn’t show up to work all day today. I just want to hide.

Oh, and another strange thing; When I went to bed last night my belly was HUGE (we were even taking pics) and this morning it is waaaay smaller than it has been in weeks. =(

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19 Responses to “Some Bad News”

  1. Ms. J May 5, 2008 at 5:30 pm #

    LaLa — I am SO very sorry. Words seem incredibly inadequate at this moment.

    Please know that I am praying extra extra extra hard for you.

    I know there is little any of us our here can do . . . but we can and are listening. If you want to talk about it, I (we) are here. If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay, too. If you want to talk about dumb stuff, we’re ready for that, too. We just want to comfort you.

    XOXOXOXO,
    Ms. J

  2. Jess May 5, 2008 at 6:05 pm #

    Oh sweetheart I am so sorry. What a horrible thing. I am praying for you and your babies.

  3. BlueBella May 5, 2008 at 6:08 pm #

    Oh sweetheart! My thoughts and prayers are with you all the time. And Ms. J got it right – we’re here for you, NO MATTER WHAT.

  4. ultimatejourney May 5, 2008 at 6:10 pm #

    Oh, hon, I’m so sorry.

  5. Io May 5, 2008 at 6:37 pm #

    Oh honey, I am so sorry. You, your dancing baby and your quiet kid will be in my thoughts.

  6. Michell May 5, 2008 at 7:22 pm #

    I’m so sorry. Heres hoping that your dancing baby and the small one will continue to hang around and that all is well in there.

  7. Michelle May 5, 2008 at 7:40 pm #

    I was just wondering about you tonight. I am so sorry to hear you lost one of the babies. I’m sure it was quite a shock to see it was the middle one and not the smallest one at that. I’ll hope and pray that the other two make it to delivery. It sounds like at least the bigger one will, since it is charting right on track.

    Good luck tomorrow morning. I am sure everything will be just fine and so will the twins. Loads of love, hugs, and well wishes.

  8. sara May 5, 2008 at 8:28 pm #

    Sweetie, I am so so sorry! I am keeping you and the little ones in my thoughts and prayers. Please update us soon to let us know how you’re doing.

  9. futurewise May 5, 2008 at 11:33 pm #

    Sweethart, I am so sorry! I will be praying for you and your 2 babies. Hold on! Try (as impossible as it may seem) not to think about the loss, think about happy things (it will help you and the babies, trust me)…

  10. Hopeful May 6, 2008 at 12:36 am #

    Oh Mrs La La, I wish you well tomorrow and am so sorry that this is happening. I praying that this is what your gran was talking about and eerything will be fine from now on. Thinking of you.

  11. Amy May 6, 2008 at 3:59 am #

    I am so very sorry for your loss. I know how you must be feeling right now and I pray that you get good news at your ultrasound today. BTW your baby’s HB of 182 is perfectly fine, I wouldn’t worry about that part of things. Stay strong, little ones! :::hugs:::

  12. Katie May 6, 2008 at 5:06 am #

    Oh hun, I am so sorry for the loss of one of your babies. I will be thinking about you today, I hope your next u/s is more reassuring for you. As for the other two babies, don’t think about losing them right now…especially dancing baby; he/she sounds wonderful! I will be praying for you.

  13. annacyclopedia May 6, 2008 at 6:04 am #

    I’m really sorry for your loss. I will be keeping you and all your babies in my thoughts and prayers. Hope the bed rest helps things settle down in there and helps the two little ones grow and thrive.

  14. Lauren May 6, 2008 at 6:24 am #

    I’m so sorry. I was wondering how things were going. Try not to worry about losing the other two. I’d say dancing in utero is a good sign!

  15. JJ May 6, 2008 at 6:30 am #

    Oh sweetie, I am so very sorry–take it easy and know you are in lots of peoples thoughts and prayers!

  16. Nix May 6, 2008 at 7:09 am #

    I am so sorry to hear you lost one. I’m holding thumbs that everything goes well with the repeat ultrasound.

  17. Alison May 6, 2008 at 7:16 am #

    I’m so sorry. When you said you lost one, I thought for sure it’d be the little one. Praying for you now!

  18. Babychaser May 6, 2008 at 7:57 am #

    Oh, no. Poor little guy. This must be so damn scary for you. I can’t even imagne.

    When I had my chemical pregnancy (and no one understood how I could be bleeding so hard with a rising beta) I was told over and over again that you can lose one and not the other. That wasn’t what was going on with me, but it’s good to know there’s hope. Your dancing baby seems so happy and latched on. Surely he/she can hold on until the storm has passed.

    I’m so sorry for your loss. If your other two can hang on, this loss will make your pregnancy safer for them, and for you. But I’m sure that’s small comfort while you’re stuck in a nightmare of bed rest (which always sucks) and fear.

    Breathe deep and try to take care of yourself. Keep us posted.

  19. noswimmers May 6, 2008 at 8:15 pm #

    I am SO SORRY. There are no words…

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