Nerves

22 Apr

I am starting to get nervous about tomorrows ultrasound.

A while ago (right after my grandmother passed) I was laying in bed thinking about her. This was right after the ET and I was wondering how many took and what my Granie would say if she were there. For some strange reason I imagined her saying “Two are staying with you and one is going with me”. I told Hubby about it, thinking that maybe it meant that we were having twins, but I didn’t put too much stock into it. I wasn’t asleep when it happened, after all, I was just letting my mind wander (so I don’t think it was “prophecy” or anything like that).

When they found the third baby I kind of chuckled and said to Hubby “Wow, Graine was WRONG!”

Then yesterday Hubby said that he had been having a recurring nightmare that we were going to lose one of the babies. He said that he thinks my day dream really did mean something and he is freaking out. And that is freaking ME out because Hubby is *so* not like this – he always sees the bright side of everything and even if he really did expect the worst, it is COMPLETELY unlike him to say so. He would be the one on the bow of a sinking ship trying to convince everyone that it was really alright.

Anyhow, long story short, I’m totally freaked now.

I’m trying to convince him (and myself) that if everything were not ok then why would my stomach be growing so fast (I am LITERALLY bigger every day). But the truth is that I am terrified about the ultrasound tomorrow.

All of the babies were such differnet sizes and had such differnet heart beats. They were all within the normal RANGE, but there was only one who was the right size and who had a HB of 150. I know that probably means nothing…

This SUCKS. I was finally getting to a place where I was confident that everything was going to be ok, and them “BAM” – Hubby blindsided me.

Ugh. Well that’s enough obsessing for today. I’ll update tomorrow after the U/S. (Please, please, please let there be no more and no less…I think that’s my new motto.)

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6 Responses to “Nerves”

  1. sara April 22, 2008 at 8:17 am #

    I sure hope that there are no more or no less. I’ll be praying for you and the little ones. I think nerves are totally understandable. You guys have a lot going on! Good luck on tomorrow’s ultrasound. I’ll be thinking of you!

  2. Ms. J April 22, 2008 at 8:47 am #

    I can certainly understand that your hubby expressing those thoughts would freak you out even more. Remember, you need to break this down, minute by minute, hour by hour, and you process all that is happening right now.

    You’re doing GREAT! And when you aren’t sure, you just pot a lil’ note on your blog and the Blog Chorus will remind you how GREAT you are doing!

    Talk to Granie and tell her how scared or nervous you are, (and hubby, too). Maybe she will answer you, or send you a sign (or him).

    XOXO

  3. twondra April 22, 2008 at 11:52 am #

    You’re definitely in my thoughts and prayers! Keep us posted! I’m sorry you’re so sick. 😦

  4. Michell April 22, 2008 at 4:40 pm #

    I like the above idea of talking to granny. Tell her how you feel. I wish you luck at the next ultrasound and many positive thoughts for the entire pregnancy with the best possible outcome.

  5. BlueBella April 22, 2008 at 8:21 pm #

    Oh honey you have so much on your plate right now . .. it’s easy to over analyze even the tiniest of thoughts. Be kind to yourself and hubby right now and take some solace in knowing you get to actually SEE what is going on inside of you tomorrow. I know I would DIE (ok that’s an exageration – kind of) were it not for ultrasounds and relying on blind faith for 9 months!
    Anywho, God has a plan for you all and have faith things will work out as they should. I think your motto of No More & No Less is absolutely fabulous! Keep chanting it!

    Big HUGS and looking forward to an update on the U/S tomorrow. Also, the babies will vary in size because they are all different embryos and that is normal, assuming their variance is similar to current measurements each time. Also, the heartrates can vary widely minute by minute, so don’t sweat that either.

    Just make sure you’re buttering up that belly of yours with a fabulous moisturizer to keep your skin supple and growing with the babies. . . you’re gonna need it!

    Ok enough ranting – I’m just so excited for you!

  6. Katie April 23, 2008 at 4:24 am #

    Oh hun, you will be in my thoughts today, and I can’t wait to hear your update. It does sound like everything is going like it should, and I truly believe things will be OK.

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