I’m Sorry

21 Mar

I’m sorry I’m being such a bummer right now guys. I feel really badly about it. I guess I just don’t handle these things well – and I don’t just mean the bad news, I mean the WHOLE process. As much as I try to fight it, I always tend to have a “the sky is falling” outlook. I am working on that.

I have been scouring FF and I did find a few more charts than I expected where people doing IVF didn’t find out that they were preggo until a bit later on. Of course, I found these by searching for “all” charts and not just “pregnancy” ones, which means that a whole lot of those did end in miscarriage. Not all of them though.

So. I am not giving up ALLLLLLLL hope until Tuesday. Just most of it. lol

I know how horrible that sounds, but I have to brace myself for the worst. I would much rather have a wonderful suprise than a nasty kick in the gut when the beta comes in.

I’m going to try and stay away from the pee sticks. I don’t know if I can do that (lol) – but I’m going to try.

For now I am just going to assume that I am not pregnant and try to move on. If I get better news in a few days – I’ll throw a huge friggin party. 😉

Thank you, thank you, thank you to each and every one of you. I don’t know how I would have gotten through any of this mess with out all of my wonderful bloggy friends. It is so difficult to find genuine people IRL – I wish we all lived closer together – I would take us all out for a ladies night.

Since that is not possible – I’m going to peel my feelin’-sorry-for-myself butt out of this chair. Ban myself from the internet and the pee sticks for a few days, and go spend WAY more money on useless crap than I can afford to right now. It’s pedicure time. ::kisses::

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7 Responses to “I’m Sorry”

  1. Alison March 21, 2008 at 12:49 pm #

    I soooooo know what you are talking about in bracing yourself for the worst and then possibly getting a surprise. I think becoming preoccupied is just the ticket. STAY AWAY FROM THE STICKS though. 😉

  2. Io March 21, 2008 at 12:51 pm #

    Yes, go get a pedi!
    I don’t think you can apologize for being a bummer – you’re just peeing on sticks and getting the emotional roller-coaster that comes with that. I wish we could all get together irl too.

  3. Ms. J March 21, 2008 at 6:01 pm #

    You don’t need to apologize — you are being completely normal! Hey, remember that your body is & has going through a crapload of hormones — so if you weren’t already crazy (and who isn’t by this point), then the hormones will see to it that you are officially certifiable, LOL.

    Don’t be so hard on yourself, Sweetie. Though I understand about resigning yourself to a particular mental place as you survive the next few days. And do whatever it takes to comfort yourself, even if it only works for a few minutes at a time . . . be it crappy chick flicks, a box of fudgesicles, or the gossip magazines.

    Thinking of you ;o)

  4. Amy March 21, 2008 at 6:46 pm #

    Awww hun I think a pedicure is a fantastic idea. Pamper yourself. I understand that this 2ww is practically unbearable and you have no reason to apologize. We’re here to support you! Prayers coming your way! :::hugs:::

  5. Michelle March 21, 2008 at 8:42 pm #

    I think everything you are feeling right now is completely normal. You have been through A LOT this past month. Don’t feel bad about the way you feel. You have earned the right to feel those feelings. That being said, I don’t think you should give up hope yet either, so I’m glad to see you still have that glimmer. I haven’t been in your exact shoes, but I know how hard it is to keep you hopes up in the face of such a huge potential disappointment.

    I’m really glad to see that you have decided to give yourself some pampering time. I highly advise staying away from the net for a while. While it can give good information, it can also stress you to the gills, and you just don’t need that right now. I hope your pampering session goes well and that you are able to put these thoughts out of your head for a bit.

    Loads of love, well wishes, good thoughts, and hugs.

  6. twondra March 22, 2008 at 4:23 am #

    Awww, sweetie, you’ve been through so much and it’s normal to have those feelings. I’m glad you’re going to have some “me” time and get away (or try) from all the sticks and stuff. Hang in there hon! We’re all there for you!

  7. BlueBella March 22, 2008 at 6:32 am #

    ((((((HUGE HUGS))))))

    I wish we lived closer, too! I’d be sitting in the pedi chair next to you telling you every silly story I can think of to make you laugh!

    Hang in there, doll. We’re praying for you and those embryos.

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