Depression Sets In

20 Mar

I have written, published, and deleted this post twice already today (I’m sure some of you may have even noticed, lol). I guess I just don’t know what to say/think/do.

Here is what’s going on. Last night I decided to POAS – on a whim. I didn’t really think anything was going to come up yet (8DPO), I just wanted to make sure the trigger was gone I suppose. I was planning to start testing today (9DPO) officially. But then I got a faaaaaaint pink line last night. It could have been an evap line, but it was pinker at the top than at the bottom and evap lines are usually sort of a grayish in color. I even dug an old test out of the trash that had been negative to see if these tests I’m using get evap lines after awhile and what they look like – nope. No line what-so-ever on the old test.

THEN I noticed that the test I had gotten a faint positive on was sort of dented at the top where it had come out darker. So I tested again and got another (fainter, but still there) line.

So I started to get a weee bit excited. I figured that it might still be evap lines or traces of the trigger shot – but I was planning to testing this morning and was (for some stupid reason) convinced that the test today would be darker and would indicate great news.

So I saved up my pee all night and POAS this morning at, like, 5am.

NOTHING.

NO EFFING LINE.

No evap line, no NOTHING.

Now I am depressed.

On top of that I have zero symptoms (my boobs don’t even hurt and my boobs ALWAYS hurt from O until AF!). Plus, the RE told me that if I were pregnant the OHSS would get worse on Thursday or Friday and that I would be miserable again. Nope. I feel MUCh better today.

So what the heck is going on? Should I just admit to the fact that I am probably not pregnant?

I need to just stop obsessing and take a digital in a day or two.

And you all offically have perimission to slap me if I edit this blog again today. =)

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11 Responses to “Depression Sets In”

  1. Io March 20, 2008 at 8:29 am #

    Yes, listen to the updating lala. She is right – you must breathe and wait. I don’t think you can go by symptoms right now because your body has been through hell and back.

    I wish i had a life remote so I could fast forward for you.

  2. Katie March 20, 2008 at 11:37 am #

    I think it is WAY too soon for you to say with conviction you aren’t pregnant yet. Unfortunately, like IO said, you must wait and going by symptoms is never a good idea. I am still hoping for you!

  3. Trace March 20, 2008 at 3:08 pm #

    It’s too soon. It’s easy for me to say, but try not to test. I’m praying for you and your two lines!!

  4. Michelle March 20, 2008 at 5:36 pm #

    I think what you are feeling is completely normal, especially under the circumstances. However, I agree with previous comments that you are probably testing too early and should try to not think about it so much. I know that seems almost impossible. Its like trying not to think about pink elephants. Keep a positive outlook if you’re going to think about it at all. You owe yourself at least that much.

  5. BlueBella March 20, 2008 at 6:13 pm #

    Eek. I feel like such a turd for getting so excited for you yesterday only to have you have more questions today. . .I’m sorry you’re having to be just a little more patient, and I promise to try to keep a lid on it until you know for sure!

    You know we all just want the best for you and for you to have exactly what you want – so cheering for you is the easy part . . it’s being patient that’s just a bitch when we want to let out a rip-roar just so damn bad 🙂

    Hang in there. I’m sending all sorts of sticky dust your way!

  6. Amy March 20, 2008 at 6:49 pm #

    Girl, you’re only 9DPO! Don’t count yourself out by any stretch! For goodness’ sake, I barely had a ghost line at 10DPO, and it wasn’t until 11DPO that I was convinced. I think 10-12DPO is common for first true BFPs after IVF. I’ll be stalking, tons of BFP vibes your way!

  7. FiestyKel March 20, 2008 at 7:51 pm #

    No way, you ARE pregnant, I can feel it in my waters as they say! I have every ounce of positivity for you!!!! 9 is FAR too early. I am refusing to test until 10dpo, and even then I am hoping I can be strong enough to wait til 11 or even 12. PUT THE PEE STICKS DOWN AND BACK AWAY. Come back in 3 days. You can do it!!!!

  8. futurewise March 20, 2008 at 11:15 pm #

    I am so sorry you have to go through that awful period, but even if a Superman x-rayed you with his x-ray sight- he still wouldn’t be able to see wether you’re pregnant or not. It is too early.
    I am thinking of you… ((hugs))

  9. Hopeful March 20, 2008 at 11:50 pm #

    Oh Babe, its just too early. I did watch a doco on TV here once in OZ where a couple had been through IVF for a few times and they were at their wits end. They had to go in for their Beta test and she was upset already as she had started to bleed the day before. She was really shocked to find out that she was indeed pregnant after all. She went on to have a healthy baby boy. Keep your chin up, the time will come.

  10. twondra March 21, 2008 at 3:47 am #

    I think it’s too soon sweetie to be counting yourself out yet. Try not to test and just relax. You’ll know soon that you’re gonna be a mommy. 🙂

  11. Cibele March 21, 2008 at 3:50 am #

    I also agree that it is too sonn! I am still holding hope for you…
    Hugs

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