Starting to Feel “Real”

5 Mar

For some reason – even though I have been giving myself daily shots in the ass – it really didn’t sink in that we were actually doing this until my ultrasound yesterday. When I saw all those follies on MY ovaries it hit me like a ton of bricks; holy crap. This is REALLY happening.

The problem with that is that now I am starting to get excited. I am even starting to get hopeful. Ok. I’ll be honest, I’m getting really, REALLY hopeful – and that terrifies me.

It terrifies me because I *know* that I really only have less than 50/50 odds of this working and that I would be better off doubting and then being pleasantly surprised than to be confidant that this is going to work and then be crushed later on when it doesn’t. I guess I need to try and maintain a middle ground of being “cautiously optimistic”. It’s difficult though – after going through ALL of this, it is difficult to imagine it not working. See? That terrifies me. ::sigh::

 Anyhow – I have another folli check tomorrow and I will hopefully be triggering on Saturday. Actually, I would really like to be able to go to class on Monday (and possibly get a few more eggs) so triggering Sunday might be even better. I’ll take whatever I can get though – my ovaries are KILLING me!! And I can’t believe how bloated, hungry, and EXHAUSTED I am!! Whew.

I’ll update tomorrow after the follie check.

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6 Responses to “Starting to Feel “Real””

  1. Io March 5, 2008 at 7:37 pm #

    I’m just picturing you walking around going “gah. my ovaries are killing me” to everyone who would listen, like an old lady.
    hehe

  2. Alison March 5, 2008 at 9:32 pm #

    I found your blog through Stirup Queens and have been reading for a few days. It’s such an exciting thing but I TOTALLY understand about hoping too much. It’s hard not to! You be cautious and I’ll hope big for you. It sure feels safer that way but easier said than done, right?

  3. twondra March 6, 2008 at 3:48 am #

    I’m so excited for you! It’s so close!!

  4. futurewise March 6, 2008 at 4:36 am #

    Off course it’s real! And it’s totally normal to feel hopeful and excited no matter how slim chance there is (but I think it’s a bit bigger chance than 50/50)… Good luck!

  5. rainbomoms March 6, 2008 at 11:16 am #

    I have everything crossed for you! Go follies!!!!!

  6. Ms. J March 6, 2008 at 5:16 pm #

    I have been been feeling much more hopeful than I can remember (like in ages). It’s freaking me out a bit, too. I am afraid to get smacked (hard) back into Reality. But I am also trying to reason that my cynicism, negativity, or even indifference has not lead to a Happy Ending either. So I am hoping (unintentional play on words) that a change in attitude produces a different result.

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