29 Feb

I started stims last night and the FolliStim pen is a piece of cake (its even less painful than the Lupron) – but the Menopur is a different story! I have to do it intramuscular in my butt muscle and it HURTS!!! Of course we had a repeat of the “Ok, I’m ready…NOooooo!” fiasco last night. Hubby was a bit less patient with me this time – and of course I begged him to do it to himself first. =) Am I evil?

Anyhow, I ended up having to numb the area with ice. Then I tried to do it myself (I feel less nervous about it when I do it myself) but I was only able to get in 1/2 way in and Hubby had to do the rest. It wasn’t too bad until it hit muscle, and then the medication itself burned when he put it in. Uggggh. I am not liking this one bit. Hopefully it will get easier.

I thought I felt a few ovarian twinges so far, but they are probably all in my head – I’m really not feeling much of anything yet. Tuesday is my first folli check…and I go in every other day after that.

As for Granie (I know I spell it funny, BTW, but that’s the way I have always spelled it) – she is still declining slowly. I feel really strange wishing that she would pass faster – it feels really, really wrong – but I know that she is suffering, I know that we are suffering, and I know that she is not going to get better…so I wish it were just over all ready…like pulling off a band aid. I guess she will go when she is ready, but the doctors told us that she can survive like this for up to two weeks (that would be an extreme case though) – even though she has not had any food or water since Sunday. So, so sad. You never want to see your loved ones go through something like this – its just awful.

I honestly think a lot of my freaking out when it comes to injections is more misplaced emotion about my grandmother than it is fear of needles. I have tattoos and piercings for Pete’s sake! I really don’t have a fear of needles…But every-time we go to do a new injection I think about how badly I wanted to create a 5th generation for her and how excited she was that we were doing this….and now how she will not be here even for me to tell her that I am pregnant. ::sigh::

I am taking comfort in the fact that I think she will do everything in her power to make sure that we do get pregnant if she passes before we get to the ER/ET stage. I hope that somehow she will be there for those things, even if she is not “here” anymore.


4 Responses to “Ouch!!”

  1. Ms. J March 1, 2008 at 7:17 am #

    I was VERY close with all of my grandparents, and lost 3 of them within the past 5 years (the other died about 20 years ago). My point is that I know this is a difficult time for you . . . wanting to hold on to what you have left of her, while wanting her to go to a place where is no longer in pain, and fully restored. I like to think of them as not having died, or passed on, but rather “promoted” to Heaven. I liked to think of my one Grand-ma, in particular, raising all sorts of heck in Heaven, and cleaning the place like crazy (she was “house-proud,” LOL). Thinking of you :0)

    BTW, been meaning to tell you that we lived in CA for close to 4 years, in the Silicon Valley/Bay Area. We still have lots of friends there, and family in San Luis Obispo, and San Diego (one of my favorite places in the world).

  2. futurewise March 1, 2008 at 7:33 am #

    I know how feelings get mixed up- but it is not wrong not to like someone’s suffering. And it is mind and body wrecking experience, so try to avoid feeling guilty for feeling or thinking about her (unfortunately, imminent) death. As far as menopur shots are concerned- I would try to lie down and mentally prepare myself for pain and to think happy thoughts- like children, or something which makes me happy. Just like when I was taking my peniciline shots… Good luck, and I keep my fingers crossed so you don’t ever have to take another menopur shot again… ((hugs))

  3. Michell March 1, 2008 at 1:00 pm #

    Hang in there with the injections. Yes the menopur hurts, more than the rest I thought. And no you aren’t wrong to feel like it would be better for grannies passing to happen sooner. I’ve had many families feel that way and even been asked if I could speed things along (I couldn’t but I really felt badly for the family). This is normal when you see someone you love who is dying. Hopefully they are doing whatever they can to keep her comfortable with pain medicine etc.

  4. noswimmers March 1, 2008 at 7:22 pm #

    Not sure if this will help, but for my butt-shots, I always stood on the opposite leg and leaned up against the counter while hubby did the shot (quick, like a dart!). I also numbed it a bit first with ice. They suck, but it will be well worth it!

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