In Theory

16 Feb

Hubby and I have been talking a lot lately about the “what ifs”. What to do if we end up with more frozen embryos than we plan on using, what about selective reduction, etc.

It all started when the RE told us that we could transfer up to 3 embryos, depending on how aggressive we wanted to be. Since this very well may prove to be our one and only shot at this, my immediate response was “Only 3!?”. Then came the contract signing portion of the proceedings wherein we were asked to indicate what we would like done with any embryos should one or the other of us die, and that we understood about selective reduction (among other things).

Now, mind you, I am on BCPs with hormone levels so high they should be considered psychotropic (if they aren’t already) – but I totally lost my sh*t reading their detailed account of exactly how they reduce. I am tearing up just thinking about it now, in fact. Believe it or not, I am a total tree-hugging, pro-choice, liberal…but just because I am a firm believer in not taking away the right of others to choose, does not mean that that is a decision that I would or could ever make for myself. I am not sure that I would feel the same way if I had never gone through IF (as a personal choice I did not start having sex until I felt I would be able to handle raising a child, and was lucky enough to not have to deal with any other scenarios which would have prompted me to consider aborting) – but I’m just not sure I could survive being put in that situation. So now we have a dilemma; do we transfer 3 because we need to be aggressive because this is likely our only shot at this? Or do we transfer only 2 because I would be SOO tempted to try and carry as many as I possibly could in my 5ft tall munchkin self and can’t be trusted? No easy answer.

Then we have the frozen embryo dilemma (HOPEFULLY we will end up with some)…these answers were easier to come by for us. We both agreed that would would use as many as we could ourselves and donate the rest (put them up for “adoption”). We agreed that if one or the other of us died that the other person could do what they wanted with the embies as long as they were not “discarded”. The only thing that really bothered us was that the clinic told us that if we were BOTH to die that they would discard all of the embryos, and we have no say about that. I *really* don’t like that. I would want my family to decide what to do with them. In fact, I told my mother about it and she said that in that situation she would hire a surrogate and would raise her grandkids herself. I would at least like to have them donated. I am hoping that (if we end up with any frozen) that Hubby and I can draw up a will and can override the clinic on this?? I know it may be ridiculous but I would think of them as my “babies” and the idea that they could be thrown out like garbage really chafes me…particularly since we are going to be going through so much work to get them in the first place!

I have also told Hubby (and he whole-heartedly agrees) that once we get at least one of our own (see how I am using “positive language” here? ::wink, wink::)…that I want to donate eggs. My FSH was 6 (not great, but still pretty good…I think) – so hopefully this happens soon and I will be able to do that. I am a BIG believer in karma, and it just feels like the right thing to do. I am not a very religious person anymore (a post for another time I think) – but I feel that if the “powers that be” are kind enough to grant us this dream, then it would be the least we could do to help someone else out as well.

Of course, all of this is assuming that any of this works…=/

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7 Responses to “In Theory”

  1. Amy February 16, 2008 at 6:20 pm #

    I had the same reaction to all of the nitty-gritty paperwork when we first went through it all. We had to even say “yes” or “no” to whether or not DH could use my eggs with a future woman if I were to die! There was no paperwork on selective reduction for us, but I can imagine how difficult that would be to decide upon. You go girl with the positive thinking, I’m trying to do the same 🙂

  2. futurewise February 17, 2008 at 3:38 am #

    Wow! I never thought about that aspect… We plan to use 2 this time and deepfreeze the rest and just see what happens. And if we don’t succeede this time without stims we will go for donor ICSI and I decided to donate my egg cells…

  3. twondra February 17, 2008 at 4:34 am #

    Wow….what a dilemna. That would be a lot of hard decisions. Keep us posted. I’m thinking of ya girl! (((HUGS)))

  4. Michell February 17, 2008 at 9:55 am #

    This is all sometimes a really difficult part of the whole ART. So does the clinic insist that if you are pregnant with triplets you will reduce to twins?? I had thought a lot about this also. I was raised believing that abortion is always wrong no matter what. I’ve come to see since then that rarely is anything in life so black and white and even if I would not choose something I didn’t have the right to take away that choice from others. As far as the reduction thing goes. I never loved the idea but for me kept in mind the thought that what if I ended up with 5 babies in there. There is no way to carry them to term. If born too premature (a possibility with high order multiples) you run the risk of losing them all. I don’t think I could handle that. However I will also say that my decision was influenced by the fact that I knew it was unlikely with my egg quality etc to have more than twins. As far as the donating embryos if there are any left, I looked into that. The cost to me for this was still high at least through my clinic. There were quite a few labs I would have had to do at my own expense before the ER in order to be able to donate and the cost of those labs would have been over $2000. There was no way I could afford this, not knowing if it would all even work so I had to decide to discard. Again though I was not surprised this wasn’t an issue.

  5. Vanessa February 17, 2008 at 11:27 am #

    Im surprised that an infertility clinic would ever consider discarding embryos! Why? Dont they know how important they are and how hard some people have to try just to get one of their own??? It sounds completely crazy to me!

    Good luck with making these important decisions, I hope it all goes well 😀

    XOXO

  6. Io February 18, 2008 at 7:12 am #

    Hi lala! Can I have the password so that I can stalk you without missing out on anything?
    It’s nice to meet more people in the same situation as myself.
    I know what you mean about wanting to donate eggs. I have met so many amazing bloggers that I wish I could do something to help. I haven’t won the lottery (yet – I certainly plan on it at some point) so throwing IVF money around isn’t possible…

  7. Michelle February 19, 2008 at 9:12 am #

    Thos are some pretty big questions. I know when we were doing chlomid and shots we would end up with six or more eggs per cycle. We determined to go ahead with every cycle and deal with the consequences. We were not up for selective reduction either. Three babies wouldn’t be as bad as six, but I’d still cry. lol I think it is wonderful you would donate your embies to help out other people. What a very unselfish thing to do. It just goes to show not ALL people are completely wrapped up in themselves. 😉 Best of luck!

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