Pressure

7 Jan

It appears as though we are going to go ahead and jump on this crazy IVF roller coaster (several family members have agreed to co-sign on a loan for us), and I’m not entirely sure how I feel about that just yet. =/

First of all, thank you so very much for the sweet and encouraging comments you all left on my last post…I can’t even begin to tell you how much to helps to hear those words from all of you. I know some of you are confused as to why we are just now looking into this option since Hubby DOES have a few swimmers. The answer is that we really cannot afford to be doing this, we have just made the decision to do it anyway! It has turned out to be way less than we thought it was going to be, but it is still going to drastically decrease our expendable monthly income – actually it is going to consume it entirely – and put us into a significant amount of debt…not really how we wanted to start out parenthood. Also, the thought of taking out a loan we cannot afford to pay for one or two tries at something that may or may not work was more than I could bear (it still is, as I’ve mentioned before). Bottom line is, we thought that DI would work for us, but it does not appear to be as great of an option as we once thought.

So, here we are. And I am having a very difficult time not freaking out. I am already having a hard time getting the time off work that I need for the lap (only ONE day) and it is making me feel as though my job may be in jeopardy if I start taking a whole bunch of days off for IVF. I am also concerned that I am not going to be able to do this and go to school full time this quarter (not the end of the world, I only have 4 classes left to take and 3 quarters in which to take them…but it still worries me…). Most of all though, I feel an enormous amount of pressure to make this work! It feels so unfair right now that this is all on me and, pretty much, me alone. I know that whether or not the pregnancies take is basically out of my hands, but Hubby (and everyone else) wants this SO badly that it really doesn’t feel that way right now. It feels as though if I don’t get pregnant I’ll blame myself and Hubby will blame me forever…even if its never said aloud.

All of this is on top of all of the other worries that I’m sure all IVFers have: How much is this going to hurt? Am I going to be able to do all of those injections? Can I drive home after the transfer to do my bed rest or do I HAVE to get a hotel? Who is going to take care of me while I’m laid up? Can I get up at ALL or is it all over if I get out of bed to say, get a snack, or take a shower?? What meds am I going to need? What are the labs going to say? How much weight am I going to gain? Round and round and round it goes…

How can be so excited and so completely terrified at the same time?

Had enough yet? Its not pretty inside my head right now, is it? 😉

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8 Responses to “Pressure”

  1. Michell January 7, 2008 at 6:43 am #

    Glad that things seem to be falling into place for you. I hope it all works out and goes well and you are soon knocked up.

  2. JJ January 7, 2008 at 3:33 pm #

    It is very overwhelming at first–and Im sure your thoughts will be all over the place for a while-but we are all here to help ya along! Hoping this is the solution for you guys!

  3. Vanessa January 7, 2008 at 5:28 pm #

    Im sorry that your feeling so pressured and overwhelmed. Im sure it will get better as you get closer, and getting all those feelings out must help some. You sound totally normal to me, I would be freaking out too. We just have to think positively and keep our hope alive 🙂

  4. Hopeful January 7, 2008 at 8:26 pm #

    All I can tell you is to make sure you and hubby communicate, even when your felling down or feeling good, its better to say the things you are felling instead of letting them bottle up and then explode later. Tell hubby about the pressure you feel to please him, I think you will be surprised about his own feelings of pressure.

  5. orodemniades January 7, 2008 at 11:04 pm #

    No driving after retrieval OR transfer.

    Sub-q shots are easy peasy, IM’s not so much. Hopefully you’ll be on the former rather than the latter. As for the swimmers, is your doctor suggesting DS over ICSI (with hubby’s sperm) for any particular reason?

    It sounds weird to say, but it’s going to be okay! The procedures are…well, you get used to it pretty quickly. Do they do a breakdown of how much monitoring will cost? Frex, my clinic gave two prices, IVF w/monitoring and w/out, w/ICSI and w/out, etc. We ultimately paid about $104662 for IVF w/ICSI, Assisted Hatching, and monitoring. I think the price w/out ICSI, AH, and monitoring was around $7k. My advice is to call around your local OB-GYN’s and see if any are affiliated with either your clinic or another clinic, and see if they would monitor you at a cheaper price than what the clinic offers. You just never know unless you ask!

  6. ultimatejourney January 8, 2008 at 1:06 am #

    It definitely sounds stressful, but what a wonderful opportunity! Best of luck.

  7. twondra January 8, 2008 at 12:10 pm #

    Awww, sweetie. I can’t imagine the pressure you’re feeling. It’s gotta be so stressful. I hope it works so you can have your hubby’s baby…that would be so cool. 🙂

  8. orodemniades January 8, 2008 at 5:33 pm #

    Er, I added an extra $6 in there, it was $10462 not 104662!!

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