What happens next?

5 Jan

Hubby and I turned our financial paperwork in to the RE yesterday, they said it would take less than a week for it to go before a committee and for us to have a decision as to what our IVF will cost. ::biting nails::

I can cover the cost of the labs and the HSG myself (I think, lol), and my mom – eyes glazing over at the thought of grandchildren – has generously offered to cover the meds. Yippie! Now I just have to figure out where the heck we are going to get the bulk of the money from. Hubby and I don’t qualify for a loan on our own, so we are hoping that his parents might agree to cosign for us.

In yet another strange turn of events; it looks as though we aren’t moving after all! At least not for another 6 months. Hubby and I were discussing how we may not be able to afford our new town house if we are going to be making huge monthly payments on IVF. In the midst of our trying to brainstorm possible solutions our current complex called us and told us that the market is really not doing well and that they were wondering if we would like to stay for another 6 months at our current rent. Um, yes!! We are still going to have to move in 6 months, and we are still going to need a bigger place with a second bedroom – but 6 more months to try and pay for this stuff is a HUGE help!! It just too bad we already paid the security deposit on the town house and we can’t get that back. Oh well, its way less than we we are going to save by staying.

Now I just have to work though this mixed bag of emotions I have about IVF. It has always been something that Hubby and I have dreamed that we would be able to do one day…but we figured that it would be so long before we would be able to afford it that we were scared if we didn’t have at least one child now that we never would (hence, the donor AI). Deciding to do DI was a really, REALLY tough decision. One that took several years and several appointments with a marriage counselor to make…and now here we are (possibly) about to do IVF after all. It almost feels like we have gone backwards instead of forwards, not that I am not elated. Its just that we gave up the dream of having “our” baby SOOO long ago…I can’t wrap my brain around this. I’m really afraid to, honestly…it still might not even happen.

And what if it does happen but I don’t get pregnant? I don’t even want to think about having to pay that bill each month knowing that it was all for nothing.

What a strange, strange life I lead. LOL Looking back over this blog I can’t believe how often and drastically things change for us. We went from planning on using a known donor, to trying to use BB, to two failed cycles with sperm bank sperm, and now this….and if this doesn’t work…THEN what??

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8 Responses to “What happens next?”

  1. Hopeful January 6, 2008 at 12:16 am #

    Mrs LaLa its only natural to have those thoughts but your in now, there is no looking back. I want to tell you it will work the first time but I can’t, I have to be true to me and you, it doesn’t always happen that way. I pray it will for you.

    As for the donor versa hubby. I have a friend who tried donor via IVF because her husband was steril due to a birth defect. She didn’t fall pregnant. I tried to encourage her to investigate if they could indeed get sperm from her husband as I had been at it longer than she and had seen and heard more. After discussing with her doctor they told her that if they went in to find sperm her husband would lose a teste, I knew that this was not right.

    Again I encouraged because I had done IVF as a public patient were we all go thorugh retrieval on the same day so you see everyone on recovery but there were men there also in op gowns. I thought whats with that? Thats how I found out about testicular biopsies.

    After changing doctors they were able to retrieve 8 vials of sperm from her husband and he kept his testes. They have been back in 2 more times and retrieved sperm.

    She fall pregnant with her husbands baby but lost it at 8 weeks. She changed doctors again and is now pregnant again on her first go with this doctor after finding out she also had PCOS, after being put on the correct medication, a bit of diet and exercise change, BAM she is the one on my blog with the longer to go until she has her baby.

    The morale to my story is, if there is a chance that you can have your hubbies baby, go for it. My friend would have kicked herself if she had had her baby via donor to only find out that she could have had her hubbies bub. Not that any bub wouldn’t be nice but to have gone through that not knowing that it could happen the way they had always dreamed.

    They later called to thank me as without my help it may not have occurred and that makes me feel fantastic that I could help them where I have failed myself. Her baby is my baby too.

  2. Hopeful January 6, 2008 at 12:17 am #

    Sorry that was soo long :#

  3. Trace January 6, 2008 at 1:05 am #

    I think it’s great! You’ll be able to use your husbands sperm instead of a donor? That is AWESOME!! If we had that option we would have gone straight to IVF. I think it is totally worth it!! If it was me, I would do it. I hate to be blase about about it, but it’s only money if you look at the whole scheme of things… I am so excited for you!!!

  4. BlueBella January 6, 2008 at 1:54 am #

    I’m excited for you and hopeful you will realize your dreams in the very near future. You are such a strong woman and stay so positive through all this – I bow down!

  5. Vanessa January 6, 2008 at 1:58 am #

    I think it all sounds great 🙂 I say, ” Go for it! “
    Spending all the money will be worth it in the end, good luck.

  6. RainbowMomma January 6, 2008 at 2:41 am #

    Good luck! I hope you are approved, you find the money, and you get your BFP!

  7. noswimmers January 6, 2008 at 4:06 am #

    We went through the same discussions trying to figure out where to get the money for IVF. We ended up selling our hot tub, cashing out our retirement accounts (at a bit of a penalty, but it was worth it), and the rest we took out in a loan.
    It sucks paying that $240 towards the loan each month considering things didn’t work out…but if we hadn’t done it, we probably would have second guessed ourselves for the rest of our lives.
    You’re making the right decision, and I am SO excited for you!!

  8. ChelleBez January 7, 2008 at 2:45 am #

    I think with infertility you have to not think about the negative what-ifs. I know it is so hard. Even I do it still. All you can do is make the choice and stick by it.

    I have to agree with other commenters though, it is natural to feel scared and apprehensive. We’re starting our first real cycle since my surgery and as much as I try not to worry about it all, I do. I worry about ovulation testing on the right days (something I haven’t done before because there was no need to). Then I worry about not ovulating even after my ovarian drilling and maybe I should go get the blood test done to make sure I DID ovulate this month…. All the thoughts just make your head swim and your heart ache. Then you add into the money factor…. I’m amazed we don’t all have ulcers.

    Isn’t it amazing what lengths we go to to have children? Then you just hope that if you do get them that it was all worth it. lol

    Good luck to you. I hope you find you can afford the treatments one way or another. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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