Ready. Aim…FIRE?!

25 Oct

Sorry I have been MIA, the fires have been a bit scary the past few days. My great grandmother lives in San Diego and was evacuated, but she is on hospice so that was a giant ordeal. Ugh. Everything is ok for now though; just waiting to see how much is going to burn and hoping that it stops soon. As most of you know by now I drive all over the Inland Empire for my job and today as I was driving down the 210 between LA and San Bernardino I saw about 50 fire trucks driving down the freeway with me, all with their lights on. It is surreal how bad it is out here…pretty much ALL of Big Bear Mountain is gone. And I don’t even want to think about what we might have/still might lose in San Diego. ::sigh::

Anyhow, I mailed off my paperwork for the sperm bank on Monday (yippie!), and I found a very nice lady on Craig’s List who was selling her fertility monitor, so I scooped that up as well. Now I am all set to give this a try, just waiting for AF to start up. ::fingers crossed::
Hubby finally talked to BB today. He said that he is still thinking about doing it, but that he is struggling with the fact that we would want to keep it a secret (he wants to tell his parents – Hubby’s parents). We told him that we were not really comfortable with that but that if that was the only way he would feel comfortable doing this then we would “deal”. He is still being flakey though and even though Hubby keeps telling him that we want to get started already, he keeps telling us to not give up on him, that he just needs more time, etc…But we don’t have TIME and frankly (though Hubby disagrees) I feel that either he is ok with it or he is not. There is no middle ground, and since he is so unsure I am thinking that means that this is not a good idea. Hubby says that that is just BB’s personality and that he over-thinks every decision he makes.

Either way, I was playing around on the internet with due date calculators and realized that I should have been trying with a donor for at least the past few months already. Why you ask? Well, I am graduating with my BA in June (yes, I’m old, I know) and I was really hoping to start a graduate program in the fall. The problem? If I get pregnant anytime between December and April I will be giving birth right in the middle of my very first term. Yikes. While I have no problem putting off grad school to be a mom (WAY more important to me at this point) I am now stuck in this weird sort of limbo; I am not pregnant yet and so there is no point in delaying applying, but if I apply and get in and THEN get pregnant I will have to decline the acceptance and reapply the next year. Unless they would let me take maternity leave…and I sort of doubt that. =)

My solution? If I get pregnant next month I will have the baby in late July/early August, so I am going to order some donor sperm and see what happens. Either that will work and everything will be peachy OR BB will have more time to make up his mind and I will have another month to decide what to do about the rest of my life.


5 Responses to “Ready. Aim…FIRE?!”

  1. twondra October 25, 2007 at 11:09 am #

    This is twondra from the NW board. I hope it’s okay that I popped on. 🙂 I’m a blogaholic. I also have a blog….you can e-mail me for an invite. I just wanted to say WELCOME AND GOOD LUCK!! I also have a husband who has had a kidney transplant. If you’d like to talk, feel free to e-mail me anytime! I know it’s a tough road…but worth it in the end!! Good luck!!!

  2. Trace October 25, 2007 at 1:44 pm #

    Good luck selecting!! It took us a little while. I gather you chose a bank? Are you going to do self insem or work w/a clinic?

    I think you’re right not to count on hubby’s brother.

    Are you planning taking fertility meds to speed up the process? I am trying and hoping for success w/out meds, but if it goes on for a few months I may have to give in and hopefully will be able to choose the most benign.

    I don’t know if you know or not, but my husband is infertile because of a kidney/testacle issue. He only has one of each. Before all this I never knew about the kindey/testacle/sperm link

  3. Trace October 25, 2007 at 5:55 pm #

    La La, I have a DI blog too but I don’t have it listed w/my blogger login only the adoption one.

  4. futurewise October 26, 2007 at 6:15 am #

    Don’t count on BB. It is a tough decision and he needs to be 100% sure that he wants to do that. Otherwise you and him will have problems always.

  5. Debbie October 30, 2007 at 9:34 pm #

    Wow you have a lot going on. I wish you luck and I’m glad to hear your GGrandmom is ok. The fires were very scary here and I’m so glad they are over.

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