CBE (conclusion)

23 Sep

Alright, I guess I should finish this story. I want to get it out there, but at the same time I dread telling this story every time it comes up because it upsets me so much. Oh well, here goes:

So obviously after watching everything that this adorable little boy has had to go through, how his foster parents talk about him, and not having my own kids – I started thinking that maybe he was meant for us. I want to make clear that I do NOT get attached to the children I work with normally. There was one other child, years and years ago, that I thought would be a good fit for my husband and I…but she was adopted right away into a great family and I am 100% fine with that. This is different, I honestly FEEL for this child. I feel as though I could be his mother and feel that I can appreciate him, even his behaviors, in ways that most other people cannot because I MYSELF had ADHD growing up.

When I first started discussing adopting CBE with my husband he was totally against it. This was several years ago when we were first married and he always said that he couldn’t handle his behaviors either and that he didn’t want to adopt an older child. Over the years it got to the point where I couldn’t even have a glass of wine with dinner anymore because even a drop of alcohol and I would start thinking about CBE and tear up – and I am not a crier. The years went by and CBE got older and started asking me questions about why he didn’t have a mommy or a daddy and why his foster parent’s wouldn’t adopt him…Then, after years of Hubby saying that he didn’t think it was a good idea, I finally gave up and stopped bringing it up. Out of the blue one day, maybe 6 months ago, Hubby came to me and told me that he had had a change of heart and that he feels that we are meant to have CBE. At first I just thought he was nuts or was just trying to please me so I ignored him. He kept bringing it up and bringing it up, however, and so I finally broke down and called his social worker and we are now in the process and could very well have him in our home by February. We could have him sooner if we weren’t stuck in a lease until then in a stupid one bedroom apartment. 😉

Anyhow, I figured it was time (about 3 months ago) to tell my family that we were thinking about adopting. I wanted to warn them that he was older, had some behavior problems and some health problems and the he was bi-racial (they are old and can be kinda stupid about that sort of thing still…not hateful…just…I dunno. You know how old people can be.). I expected them to be supportive though, even excited. They know we can’t have children and that because of Alex’s health problems we do not qualify for private adoption…I thought they would happy for us. WRONG.

They are being absolutely VILE. It blew me away. Never in my life have I encountered such selfish, narrow minded hatefulness. My grandmother and my great-grandmother are literally BEGGING me not to adopt this child. When I ask them why the responses vary from “You don’t know what you are getting yourself into” to “Its going to ruin your marriage, Hubby doesn’t really want to do this”. Then my mom jumped on board and announced that she would never babysit him and that while she would be nice to him and buy him Christmas gifts…that he was NOT to call her grandma. When I questioned her about it she said that she couldn’t handle a kid with severe ADHD. WTF!? He does not have severe ADHD, and you would be acting out too if you had to lead the life this poor child has been subjected to! Now, I knew my mom was nuts, but this blew me out of the water. I don’t understand how they could BE this way? IS it because he is biracial!? I don’t understand what the real problem could possibly be, but their selfishness never ceases to astound me. We told Hubby’s parents and they were moved to TEARS, they were so excited about it. It makes me think that perhaps I don’t mind not being able to pass my families genes on after all! Geez.

So now I don’t know what to do! Is it fair to adopt this child and bring him into yet another situation where the people who are supposed to care for him don’t? He deserves two sets of grandparents who love and cherish him. He deserves all of that and so much more, he has been through so MUCH shit…when is it ever going to end for this poor kid? Here I thought maybe I could help. Maybe I could be the one to truly appreciate him (I do)…but now I wonder if it would be cruel to bring him into this family. What do you think? I really need advice. If we don’t adopt him he very well may never be adopted. He’s been up for years with no takers and he is just getting older and more unruly (and thus, less likely to be adopted).

I know one thing for sure. If my family DOESN’T pull their heads out of their asses they will never, ever get near CBE or any other child we ever have. Ever. For any reason. Period. Can you tell I am livid?

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2 Responses to “CBE (conclusion)”

  1. futurewise September 23, 2007 at 10:42 am #

    Just wanted to give you my support for whatever option you choose. Good luck and just think twice before making any decision!

  2. Trace September 23, 2007 at 1:39 pm #

    That’s a tough one! Do your husbands parents live nearby? Could they be a strong enough support system for you guys?

    I have heard stories about people who adopt bi-racial children that the parents/grandparents have problems with. I have also heard that when the child is finally in your life there is typically a change of heart because they are great kids.

    Good luck, it will be a difficult decision for you guys.

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