So, this is me. I mean us.

15 Sep

After scouring the internet trying to find stories of others in similar situations I have decided to blog ours as well. I guess I found reading about other’s trials with infertility comforting. Sometimes I feel like we must be pretty odd (you’ll see what I mean in a minute), so I hope that other people who have decided to deal with their infertility in “unconventional” ways can glean some comfort from our story. Hell, at least maybe we’ll give someone a good laugh or some ultra-conservative something to bitch about, eh?

So, here it is: My husband and I have been married for almost three years (it will be 3 in Feb). We dated for three years before that. We got married knowing that we would have trouble conceiving – part of the reason we got married when we did, we wanted to start trying – but figured that most of it would have to do with me because I had abnormal paps for YEARS etc, etc. We got married and after trying for about a year (I shudder when I think of all the money we stupidly wasted on pregnancy tests and what idiots we were squinting for lines that were never there – hell – think of all the money we wasted on BIRTH CONTROL! Ha!). I even did a round of clomid thinking I might not be ovulating, I may not have been at that point but as it turned out it didn’t matter…Hubby has no sperm.

We knew that Hubby’s fertility might be low since he is on hemo dialysis waiting for a kidney transplant (he is about 6 years from the top of the list right now)…but we just figured that it would take a long time, not that it would be a freaking JOKE. Oh how I cried when the semenalysis came back: 2 million sperm (ok…), 90% abnormal/not moving (FUCK!). So, if my math is correct that leaves us with somewhere in the neighborhood of 2,000 swimmers, yes? ::sigh::

Thinking we might just “have a miracle” we plodded on for another year or two before finally sucking it up and deciding to use a donor. I won’t bore you with the details of the tears, fights, marital counseling etc…but let’s just say Hubby was NOT too thrilled with the idea at first. Well, truth be told, he still isn’t. But, faced with zero other options (cannot afford IVF) we finally began searching for donors we liked. What we finally came up with [IF YOU ARE STILL WITH ME CONGRATULATIONS, THIS IS WHERE IT FINALLY GETS INTERESTING] a known donor that we found on the internet.

I found a site for free sperm donation where hopeful parents-to-be and potential donors post and then write one another. After a few days and a lot of emails we finally found someone that we both like and Hubby is finally warming up to the DI thing a bit. Our issue with sperm banks was a) one vial of frozen sperm costs around $400, b) one vial is only PART of a sperm sample which is split up into as many as four vials in order for the sperm bank to make as much money as possible (hey, why would they want you to get pregnant on the first try, that’s less $ for them) c) the child cannot contact the donor until they are 18 years old (if it’s an open identity donor at all, and d) you cannot view photos of the donors or talk to them, or get any real feeling for who they are at all.

So we ended up with a potential donor in another state on the other side of the continent. That is where we stand for now. The adoption we are currently in the process of (don’t get excited yet, it’s a HUGE debacle), how in the HELL are we going to get a doctor to perform an IUI on me with fresh sperm that does not belong to my husband…And many, many more fun topics coming your way very soon.

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One Response to “So, this is me. I mean us.”

  1. charlotte September 15, 2007 at 5:41 pm #

    feel free to email me if you want. i have some suggestions about finding other KDs, and also, there are ways to ship sperm (and do home insems), but you would need to really trust the person, and I doubt that is possible online. anyway, I have lots of info if you need it. good luck to you.
    dosmamas@gmail.com

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