The night before the induction Hubby and I were so nervous we stayed up almost the whole night talking, I think we only got about two hours of sleep. At 3:30am I woke up and took a bath, and then we headed for the hospital.

It was so foggy when we left the house that you literally could not see more than a foot in front of the car. I was so terrified that I had to bury my face in my pillow while Hubby drove. Luckily it thinned out as soon as we reached the first major road and was all but gone by the time we were getting on the freeway.

When we got to the city our hospital is located in we stopped at a Denny’s for breakfast. My meal was disgusting and I really didn’t eat anything, but I remember the waitress asked when I was due and when we told her that we were on our way to the hospital to be induced she was SO excited for us.

We arrived at the hospital at 5:45am and signed in. They put us in a room and hooked me up to the monitors. Nolan was doing great and I was having random contractions, most of them very weak. After a very long time (at about 9:30am) the doctor came in and things finally started to happen. I requested that they attempt to manually dilate me using a foley catheter before attempting cervidel because I had done some reasearch and felt that it was safer with an induction. The doctor agreed with my plan and soon the room was filled with doctors and nurses and my naked butt was way up in the air, under a bright light with my feet in stirrups.

Loma Linda is a teaching hospital and so the doctor attempting the procedure was a resident, accompanied by her attending. Of course there were several nurses, student nurses, interns, and a few others who just wanted to see the procedure because it is rare.

I took a deep breath and decided that my dignity was out the window for the rest of this ride anyway so I may as well get used to it.

It took them a long time to get the catheter in place because I was only dilated to 1 when I arrived. The resident tried for a long time but it was the attending who finally got it in place. Once the catheter was in a balloon at the top was filled with saline and the tube was taped to my thigh. I was then told to sit upright, the whole idea being that when the catheter fell out that that meant that I was dilated to 3 and that things would be moving along by then.

I started having some more regular contractions and asked for a birthing ball at that point. Sitting on the birthing ball felt pretty good and Hubby sat behind me and held a heating pad on my back. Not too bad at this point, not bad at all. I filled out the paperwork for my epidural, but opted not to have it placed yet because I wanted to be able to get up and go to the bathroom for awhile longer. (Side note: I had been really worried about pooing on the table and I had meant to use and enema before leaving the house but had forgotten. I asked the nurse about taking one when I first arrived, but she told me not to worry about it. In the end, I ended up going a lot on my own once the contractions kicked in…so I think my body was cleaning out on its own, lol.)

They started the pitocen and things got a bit more intense, but still not too bad. After 30 minutes it was upped and I started to get uncomfortable. I got up and went to the restroom and sat there for a little while, what people say about sitting on the toilet feeling good during labor is true! But they wanted me back on the monitors so I couldn’t stay too long. In fact, they told me that they had to take the birthing ball away as well because they couldn’t get a good tracing on Nolan’s heart while I was on it, so I had to get back in bed. Once I got back in bed all hell broke loose. The contractions were painful beyond words and were coming two minutes apart and every other contraction was double peaking.

I was crying and begging Alex, God, the nurses and everyone who would listen to please make the pain stop. It felt like the worst bowel cramp EVER, plus back pain.

I was begging for the epidural, but of course it took TWO HOURS for the anesthesiologist to come back to the room even though I had been promised over and over again that by filling out the papers ahead of time I was guaranteeing myself no more than a 30 minute wait. The nurse was PISSED to say the least.

And I was so disappointed in myself. I never planned on laboring drug free, but since the catheter had not fallen out yet I thought that I was still less than 3 cm at this point. I was so embarrassed, but F*CK it hurt!!! And this was around noon I think, so I was only about 3 hours in.

The nurse kept offering me Nubain, but I was afraid to take it because I didn’t think it would do anything for the pain – and the pain was SO bad that I was afraid that if I was drugged out of my mind AND in that kind of agony that I would start having panic attacks. But after an hour and a half I couldn’t take it anymore and I finally took the shot. I’m really glad I did because it did help quite a bit, and I’m sure it was the only reason I was able to hold still enough to have the epidural placed.

The epidural was FINALLY placed around 2pm and it was a beautiful, beautiful thing. I felt nothing after that. Not even tightening. Bliss.

Hubby and I took that as an oppertunity to rest up before the next round and we both feel asleep for about an hour.

I was suddenly woken up by my water breaking. I had the epidural in, so I didn’t get to feel the “pop”…I just felt a sudden gush of warm fluid. At first I thought I had peed, but then I remembered that I was catherterized (a second one, in my bladder because of the epidural) and I knew what it was. I excitedly woke Hubby and we called the nurse.

The nurse checked me at that point and I was dilated to 5!!!! I was SO excited! The catheter had still not fallen out, but it turns out that it had somehow become stuck behind Nolan’s head and so the doctor was called in to remove it. My contractions became strong enough to feel through my epidural at this point, but still not strong enough to hurt. Hubby suggested that I use the “boost” button for the epidural, but I wanted to save it for when I *really* needed it later on. I didn’t mind feeling the contractions anyway. Hubby and I settled in to try and sleep some more while we waited.

About 30 minutes later I woke up from a light doze and noticed that Nolan’s heart rhythm sounded funny on the monitor. I woke up Hubby and asked him to come look at the monitor and check. He did and said that he could see that Nolan was having decels, just as he was walking towards the door to call the nurse the doors burst open and a whole team of doctors and nurses ran into the room. Apparently Nolan had been down for awhile before Hubby and I noticed. They tried rolling me from side to side and putting my on oxygen but they couldn’t get his heart rate up for more than a minute or two at a time and he was right on the brink of going into cardiac arrest. The doctors and nurses kept apologizing as they started prepping me for an emergency c-section because they knew I wanted a VBAC. I kept telling them “Hey, get him out SAFE! That’s all I care about!”. They literally RAN with my gurney to the operating room. The poor anesthesiologist was almost in tears because he couldn’t push the spinal through the catheter he had placed for the epidural for some reason and they almost had to put me under…he felt so bad…but it finally went in.

Everyone kept trying to reassure me that Nolan would be alright, but I honestly never had time to get worked up. From the time we noticed he was crashing until he was OUT was about 15 minutes total. Hubby didn’t even make it into the room for the birth. As he was walking in they were holding Nolan up and Hubby got one quick picture before he was handed off to the NICU team. We barely had time to yell “Hello Nolan!” and we didn’t get to touch him and only were allowed a quick peek. We wouldn’t see him again for over two hours. We spent a lot of time looking at the one photo on the digital camera.

Hubby sat with me while they put me back together and even got to watch – he said it was really neat and that he wasn’t grossed out at all by seeing my insides. I’m jealous.

While the doctor was sewing me up he leaned over the curtain and told me that when he had opened me up my uterus was so thin that he could just about see through it and that I should never attempt a VBAC again. I asked if that meant that it would have ruptured and he said not necessarily, but that it wouldn’t be a good idea to risk it again. I asked if it would be safe to get pregnant again and he said that that would be fine. (BTW, Hubby and I have not made up our minds on this one yet – obviously it will depend on finances and such and won’t be for several years if at all.)

We asked to see the placenta. They brought it over in a big blue Tupperware bowl (no kidding, it even had a clear plastic lid!). It was really neat, I’m so glad I asked to see it. They asked if we wanted to keep it (no thanks, though I think its neat when people bury them and such).

They took me to the recovery room and I asked to have my baby brought to me. I had been promised over and over again during my pregnancy that I could have my baby within a half hour if I had to have a c-section. We were told that there were not enough nurses and that in order for him to be brought to me that he and I both had to have a nurse and there was only one. I finally started getting worked up after a few hours and told Hubby to go down to the nursery and just get him. Let them try to stop us, that’s our SON! When Hubby was about to leave to go and get him they finally told us that a nurse would bring him down…on his way to the NICU.

WTF?!

They told us that he was breathing rapidly and his 02 was low. As soon as they handed him to me all of his vital stabilized and he started nursing immediately.

OF COURSE HE WAS BREATHING RAPIDLY! He was ripped out of me and tossed into a plastic crib in a strange, bright place all alone without so much as a pat on the head from mom and dad. Holy hell!

After that everything was great though. We had a huge, beautiful room all to ourselves and Nolan is a fantastic baby and has been since day one. I”m almost afraid to tell anyone how easy he has been, I don’t want to jinx it! ;P

We stayed in the hospital for three nights. They wanted to keep us one more night, but Hubby and I missed the girls too much so we asked to be released and they said that that would be fine.

* I realize this is not as upbeat as it could/should be. As I said, a lot of what went down really bothered me and took awhile to process. Personally, I prefer the montage version of the birth story – it captures all of the beauty without the negatives. But, the positives are that I got to experience labor AND (most importantly) I have a healthy, beautiful son. I’m also happy to be able to write these memories down while they are still fresh in my mind because they are important to remember – for better or worse.

If you’ve made it this far – thanks! I know this was a looonnnng post. <3

Nolan was born at 4:34pm on 11/05/09. 7lbs 4oz and 18 inches long.

He does have a huge head. And REALLY long fingers. And HUGE feet. And a big nose.

He is fantastically perfect and I can’t stop kissing and loving on him.

I did not get my VBAC, though I got pretty darn far.

At 5 cm my water broke and Nolan began to crash (his heart was slowing down and looked as though it was going to stop). SO, we had an emergency c-section. Turns out he had a cord prolapse.

I will write a formal birth story soon.

We just got home from the hospital and he is snoozing in his bassinette. He’s a great sleeper – I’m going to wake him up in about 30 minutes to breastfeed him and then I’m going to attempt to sleep.

Breastfeeding is a bit of a struggle, my milk is just baaaarely coming in (today is day 3) and he is a hungry little monster! He is a great breastfeeder (though we are having a few issues with him having a shallow latch) but he wants WAY more food than my body has had to offer. After a 4 hour marathon feeding session after which is was still completely hysterical and rooting like crazy I finally broke down and asked for some formula and a tube and syringe to supplement him. He was a happy camper after that and we’ve been having to wake him up to eat (I let him go for four hours once or twice and still had to wake him).

Today we’ve made it through most of the day without supplementing. YAY!

I’m stressing about my milk coming in though. ::sigh::

That’s about it for now. More to come soon.

Actually, I have 17 hours until my induction (unless he decides to get things moving before then…C-MON Nolan!).

After my appointment on Monday I had pretty painful contractions (not unbearable, but enough that I had to stop whatever I was doing and breathe through them) for the rest of the day. BUT they never organized. It was 36 hours of this and then they stopped, almost entirely (yesterday morning at 5am). Nothing since. Total calm. Well, I have the occasional (still fairly painful) contraction, but only a few a day. ::sigh::

I don’t understand why labor doesn’t start on its own. I am 75% effaced and (I’m assuming) dilated to about a 2 by now. What GIVES!?

Hubby has me feeling guilty for being induced tomorrow and not giving it another week (I’m 39 weeks according to their dates, 38.5 according to mine). He almost had me convinced to call and reschedule the induction for next week, but then I remembered that they said that Nolan’s head is HUGE (Evy has a huge head as well). I’m afraid that if we don’t do it now, he won’t fit…this may be my only chance at a VBAC. Besides, you can’t really get any closer to being in labor than I am right now without actually BEING in labor.

I think the issue may be that I’ve been so miserable due to the kidney stones that I hardly ever get out of bed. Maybe if I get up and walk around I will go into labor on my own?

I am considering having Hubby take the day off to walk me and the girls around the mall for a few hours. I hate to have him miss out on the income, but he already missed half the day taking Lennon to a Dr’s appointment this morning. On the other hand, however, what if it just causes more irregular contractions and I end up with another miserable night of “not quite” labor and then have to go in to be induced all cranky and exhausted?

I never did try the caster oil. I have done the Red Raspberry Leaf tea…I drank four cups before having all of those miserable contractions. It seems like it does SOMETHING, but it wasn’t enough. Obviously having my membranes stripped did nothing (like I said though, I’m not sure he really did much).

The only thing that I have been doing that I think really works is the Evening Primrose Oil. I’ve been taking them orally for about a week and inserting them vaginally for the past week (I did it off and on for a week or two before that as well). I have noticed that I efface during the periods when I have been inserting the pills but not during the times when I stopped using them.

I’m rambling, can ya tell I’m nervous?

I’m scared that something is going to go wrong – like a uterine rupture, though I’ve done all of my homework and I know that its only an ADDED risk but not a higher risk than many other complications that ALL laboring women have, VBAC or not. Even though the fact that this is going to be an induction does raise the risk a tiny bit, the fact that I”m already so close makes it pretty safe.

I’m worried that I won’t be able to handle the pain. These contractions I’m having now are really killing me and I know they can’t be anything compared to the “real deal” particularly with the pitocen. I am going to have an epidural…but what if it doesn’t work, or stops working, or they take to long to give it to me….

I guess these are normal fears that everyone must have. I just never got to the point where I had them with the girls, I never had a chance!

Any last minute advice? What to do? What to pack?

Should I eat breakfast before going to the hospital, or skip it?

Should I bother wearing makeup (I have gotten REALLLLLLY bad acne during this pregnancy, so I’d kind of like to…but what’s the point if the labor takes 24 hours or I sweat it all off my face)?

Should I give myself an enema, or not bother since I am leaning towards having the breakfast anyway.

Last night I started having back pain and random contractions. Of course they won’t organize, it was just enough to keep me awake all night (i.e. nothing until I would start to drift off to sleep, then OUCH!).

Today I had an appointment with a different OB because my usual Dr is on vacation. In the waiting room my contractions started coming more frequently, though still not at regular intervals. He checked me and I am still only 1.5 cm dilated but I have progressed to 75% effaced and he said that the baby is at -1 (I believe) – he said the head was WAY down. We also asked how big the baby was: he is currently just under 6 lbs, but with a huge head apparently. =) The doctor said not to worry about the head though because he is so far down already he’s sure its not going to be a problem.

He also said that he stripped my membranes, but I didn’t feel anything when he did it (I’ve heard that its very painful). I’m also not spotting, so I’m honestly not sure if he really did it or if he did it right…::shrug::

Anyhow, long story short – he offered to induce me. He said that I’m far enough along (effaced, etc) that he feels comfortable giving it a try. He warned me that he will only give me 24 hours before sectioning me, which is honestly fine. I just want a chance to try.

So, the long and the short of it is that I may already BE in labor (I’m pretty miserable right now, but again, the contractions don’t seem to want to “organize”). If not, I will be induced this Thursday morning at 6am. If he’s not here by Friday morning I will have a c-section.

I’m nervous and excited. I know an induction is a bit riskier with a VBAC so I’m not crazy about that…but this is a GREAT hospital, so I am just going to relax (hope things get going on their own before then, seems like they might), and see what happens.

Sorry if this doesn’t make much sense…I’m rather miserable (currently contracting every 2-5 minutes)! But I wanted to keep you all updated.

I will be Tweeting (to your right).

All day yesterday Noaln barely moved. At 1 am I got up to use the restroom and then did a kick count…for 45 minutes he didn’t so much as flutter. I woke Hubby up and we tried to find his heart beat with the doppler, we found it but it was really hard to find and took us BOTH a long time. Very strange considering how huge he is at this point – it hasn’t taken us more than a few seconds to find him in months. After that he did start moving, but not tons. We were sufficiently freaked out enough to head down to L & D. I knew as soon as we got down there and got on the monitors that he would go nuts – between the bumpy car ride in my husband’s SUV and the fact that babies HATE those monitors. That’s exactly what happened. It was Nolan aerobics by the time we arrived. However, the nurse also had a difficult time finding his heart beat. I’m not sure what that’s all about.

Oh, but they did discover that I now also have a UTI.

On top of the kidney stones.

Yippie.

What I think is going on are that the pain meds are sedating Nolan and he’s not moving as much because he’s sleeping essentially. The doctors agree (I waited a hour on my next dose while at the hospital during the time that he perked up). So now I don’t want to take the meds, but I’m in pain. The pain has gotten better (it’s bearable, barely).

From the NST that I had on Tuesday and the one from last night I know that I am having  regular, rhythmic “uterine irritability” with intermittent actual contractions. I have NO idea how dilated or effaced I am because no one has checked me. But I did lose my mucous plug, so I am assuming I am more dilated than the 1 cm that I was before (?).

All day today I have been having irregular, semi-painful contractions (false labor again, apparently).

So what I am getting at is:

I am considering going the caster oil route. (I am 38 weeks, and one day according to my Dr’s calculations).

But I wish that there was more solid research available. I have been Googling all day and all I can find is that it does work. But, obviously, I’m scared. I don’t want to do anything that could possibly put Nolan in danger. This seems safe enough – but I just don’t KNOW.

So, wonderfully wise bloggy friends…Thoughts? Experience? Wisdom? Please share.

[According to the Dr's dates at least. Again, according to mine, I won't be 38 weeks until Sunday. ]

ANYHOW – I should have mentioned on yesterday’s post that I do NOT have pre eclampscia – though I appreciate the concern. =)

They checked me for it over and over at the hospital and again today at my appointment. In fact, she didn’t even LOOK at my feet today. I told her that they were EXTREMELY swollen and she just said “uh huh”. Oh well.

Since we’re on the topic, she really doesn’t do ANYTHING at my appointments. I’m starting to be annoyed that I even have to go in once a week, its not exactly anywhere near my house.

They weigh me. They check my pee. They check my BP and they check for Nolan’s HB and that’s it. They don’t do any pelvic exams or anything. WTF? Shouldn’t they be checking for dilation and effacement!?

She did send me for an NST because I mentioned that he hadn’t been moving as much. Another waste of time – he got the hic ups as soon as they hooked up the monitor.

About the only exciting thing that has happened is that I lost my mucous plug yesterday (parts of it at least…ew). Though I’ve Googled it obsessively and it appears that losing the mucous plug means basically NOTHING.

Of course.

Who the EFF thought I would carry him this far AND that there would be NO signs of him coming anytime soon?

I think he’s mad that we didn’t let him come when HE wanted to come so he’s decided to just stay.

Forever.

I also think I’m starting to feel a little bit better.

I did pass one TEEEENY stone that I noticed (they gave me a strainer).

Seriously, it was slightly larger than a piece of sand.

They warned me that it would be small and that I would be pissed…but SERIOUSLY!?

I’m still sore in the ribs and having shooting pains in my groin, but overall the pain has lessened quite a bit. Hopefully it stays that way. Maybe I’ll be able to go off the pain meds tomorrow…hopefully that won’t be a huge mistake like last time. =/ I just hate to expose Nolan to all those drugs if I don’t have to. Not to mention that they can be addictive, and these are goooooood meds. I can see how people become addicted to them.

These are what used to be my feet. They are so swollen that I can stick my finger in the flesh and it leaves a hole. I’m like human play-dough. I have no idea if this is normal or not, but I have an appointment tomorrow morning, so we’ll see. The swelling is actually throughout my entire body, but its worst from the waist down. When I walk, it feels like I am encased in jello. Yuck!

I also had the brilliant idea of going off my pain meds today. I have been feeling much less pain and I decided that holding still as much as possible was much more effective than the narcotics anyway. Pffffft.

I’m an IDIOT.

My last dose was due at 10:30am. At 12:30pm I got up to pee and had such SEARING pain in my groin that I ended up crawling back to bed on my hands and knees with my hand clamped over my mouth trying not to scream and wake up the twins.

Yeah. Apparently a) whatever is pissed off in my system has moved from my ribs (which still hurt, but not as badly) to my groin and b) the meds were the only reason I was feeling better.

Brilliant, I tell ya.

::sigh::